I got some tips from a review on Lori Gottlieb’s new book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough and I’ll like to share same with you.
The same unrealistic expectations we have about dating, about courtship, we have about marriage, too. Married people have said that this book makes them appreciate their husbands more. Here’s what a number of single women do that we might want to reconsider:
1. Compromise.
Write down all the reasons a guy would not want to date you. You’d be surprised that what you think of as endearing and cool may be annoying to someone else. According to Gottlieb, he would love you so much that he would overlook those things. And you need to overlook things in him. Everybody has to compromise.
2. Limitless Options.
You walk into a store and you know you want a bag and it has to go with these shoes and it has to be this colour, and you’d like it to be affordable. You find something great, but you wonder if there’s something better out there, so you keep searching. In the end, after three more weeks of searching for the perfect bag; was it so much better than the one you could have bought originally? Whether it’s with men or bags, if you just think you have unlimited options for the rest of your life, of course you’ll keep looking.
3. Judgmental.
Gottlieb: “The guys I interviewed for the book said women judge them so much. Women gave me 300 reasons they wouldn’t go on a second date with a guy, and men gave 3. When guys are ready for that stage of life, they find someone who is good enough that they’re totally in love with. Guys don’t sit and micro-analyze a woman the way a woman would with a man. He knows she’s not as hot, not as accomplished or not as funny as the last girl he dated, but that’s okay. She’s hot enough.”
4. Pickier.
With online dating, we judge based on objective criteria (height, weight), rather than subjective (attraction), which you can’t judge until you meet the person. When you read other people’s profiles, don’t make assumptions or rule them out because of one thing they wrote. You can fall in love with a guy who wrote that he likes Pasuma, but you can’t fall in love with a guy who isn’t kind.
5. Selective.
In cities where you find a lot of really ambitious, Type-A, driven people, like in Lagos and PH, with the entertainment and business…you get a lot of ‘maximizers’ [people who keep looking over their shoulder for something better]. Maximizer women date maximizer men. The men who are actually available and wanting commitment and who are smart and funny and cute - maybe one guy is a short, so he’s not getting the women. Maybe he’s not smooth initially or in big groups, but he is one-on-one. These are the kind of people who when you’re 35, 45, 55, that you’ll be happy with when you’re married, and the guy who is super charming at the party and has the crowd of women around him, maybe he’s not going to make as good of a husband. Maybe he’s not going to call you back. That guy is going to be judgmental and picky, and who wants that?”
6. Love.
Gottlieb: “We don’t need a man. We don’t. But if you want one don’t go around with this attitude of ‘I love me more.” [what Samantha said in the Sex and the City movie, after she dumps a hot guy who helped her through cancer (and female audiences cheered)]. A relationship is about reciprocity, so you need to love yourself and you need to be able to have some selflessness and love somebody else. If you don’t want to be alone you need to love someone enough to let them love you and fill your loneliness
7. Interest.
Gottlieb: “We say, ‘I’m a writer, but he doesn’t read! I’m creative.’ But people can be creative in different ways, and the fact that he doesn’t read the same books that you do, well, maybe he wants someone who he can talk about the baseball game with but you’re not that person. The guy doesn’t have to be one-stop shopping. You’re not going to share every single interest, and that’s okay. The shared interest should be, “Do we want the same things out of life? Do we both want to be married right now?”
Marry Him is in stores in US, UK, NG & online.
The same unrealistic expectations we have about dating, about courtship, we have about marriage, too. Married people have said that this book makes them appreciate their husbands more. Here’s what a number of single women do that we might want to reconsider:
1. Compromise.
Write down all the reasons a guy would not want to date you. You’d be surprised that what you think of as endearing and cool may be annoying to someone else. According to Gottlieb, he would love you so much that he would overlook those things. And you need to overlook things in him. Everybody has to compromise.
2. Limitless Options.
You walk into a store and you know you want a bag and it has to go with these shoes and it has to be this colour, and you’d like it to be affordable. You find something great, but you wonder if there’s something better out there, so you keep searching. In the end, after three more weeks of searching for the perfect bag; was it so much better than the one you could have bought originally? Whether it’s with men or bags, if you just think you have unlimited options for the rest of your life, of course you’ll keep looking.
3. Judgmental.
Gottlieb: “The guys I interviewed for the book said women judge them so much. Women gave me 300 reasons they wouldn’t go on a second date with a guy, and men gave 3. When guys are ready for that stage of life, they find someone who is good enough that they’re totally in love with. Guys don’t sit and micro-analyze a woman the way a woman would with a man. He knows she’s not as hot, not as accomplished or not as funny as the last girl he dated, but that’s okay. She’s hot enough.”
4. Pickier.
With online dating, we judge based on objective criteria (height, weight), rather than subjective (attraction), which you can’t judge until you meet the person. When you read other people’s profiles, don’t make assumptions or rule them out because of one thing they wrote. You can fall in love with a guy who wrote that he likes Pasuma, but you can’t fall in love with a guy who isn’t kind.
5. Selective.
In cities where you find a lot of really ambitious, Type-A, driven people, like in Lagos and PH, with the entertainment and business…you get a lot of ‘maximizers’ [people who keep looking over their shoulder for something better]. Maximizer women date maximizer men. The men who are actually available and wanting commitment and who are smart and funny and cute - maybe one guy is a short, so he’s not getting the women. Maybe he’s not smooth initially or in big groups, but he is one-on-one. These are the kind of people who when you’re 35, 45, 55, that you’ll be happy with when you’re married, and the guy who is super charming at the party and has the crowd of women around him, maybe he’s not going to make as good of a husband. Maybe he’s not going to call you back. That guy is going to be judgmental and picky, and who wants that?”
6. Love.
Gottlieb: “We don’t need a man. We don’t. But if you want one don’t go around with this attitude of ‘I love me more.” [what Samantha said in the Sex and the City movie, after she dumps a hot guy who helped her through cancer (and female audiences cheered)]. A relationship is about reciprocity, so you need to love yourself and you need to be able to have some selflessness and love somebody else. If you don’t want to be alone you need to love someone enough to let them love you and fill your loneliness
7. Interest.
Gottlieb: “We say, ‘I’m a writer, but he doesn’t read! I’m creative.’ But people can be creative in different ways, and the fact that he doesn’t read the same books that you do, well, maybe he wants someone who he can talk about the baseball game with but you’re not that person. The guy doesn’t have to be one-stop shopping. You’re not going to share every single interest, and that’s okay. The shared interest should be, “Do we want the same things out of life? Do we both want to be married right now?”
Marry Him is in stores in US, UK, NG & online.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thanks for your comment. Upon approval, you can view it on the site. God bless you.