Monday, 7 May 2018

Discourse: Insemination for Singles

On the POSER...

The week ending May 5, saw us discussing singleness and insemination on Divine Connection. The scenario was of a sister who put forward an explanation after the church decided to punish her for adultery. Her explanation? She was time was passing her by and she opted for ART through which she had a baby. 

A Christian sister got pregnant and the Church decided to discipline her since she was not married. When the elders of the Church met and interviewed her, she gave her reasons as follows, she has been a faithful worker in church for several years, she is  approaching the age of menopause where she can't get pregnant even if she eventually gets married. She continued that she consulted some Christian medical journals before deciding to have an artificial insemination done to have a biological child. She tendered both the medical journals and other medical documents that showed that she truly did an artificial insemination and from a reputable hospital. 

The poser ended with the following line:
So, my dear sister is pregnant without committing fornication nor adultery with any man. NOW, COULD THIS BE A SIN? Kindly give your reasons for your answer and if possible back it with Scripture, so that we can learn. 

Below is my response. This response takes no side to the argument for or against but leaves readers to make their own judgement since God relates with us individually. Killing in the sin but when God directed Abraham to kill his son, he was not considered as being on a journey to sin when he took steps to carry it out. If he had arrived to Early or too late and a miracle did not occur, would he have sinned considering he was obeying God.

Genesis 1:28
And God blessed them, and God said unto them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”

Proverbs 6:30-31 Ask that we not despise a thief who steals to quench hunger which means his action is not counted as sin. But if caught what happens? "But if he be found, he shall restore sevenfold; he shall give all the substance of his house." So while God absolves such a person of the consequence of sin, the world does not.

Both instances spell out something important, God's ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8).

Biologically, Jesus had no father. Moses was mothered by someone not biologically related. To save her son, she opted to be his nurse. If birth registration was to be done, Mrs. Pharaoh would have been registered as his mum with all rights and privileges of adoption. How a child is registered and in whose name matters less than how a child is nurtured to fulfil destiny. Clinton is not Bill's biological father's surname. Yet the name Clinton positioned him for celebration.

Drinking too much as well as eating too much fall under the category of gluttony which is sin. Same level of sin as having sex out of marriage with an approved or illegal person. Same level as not trusting God.

Those making the argument that because Jesus was born to a mother and father, insemination is wrong, are mixing up issues. God put Jesus in a family context so Jesus can grow up as a well rounded child in a family set up. Mary was divinely inseminated. Technically, Mary conceived outside of marriage. Though the child was born in marriage he was not biologically Joseph's son. To cover Mary's shame, God led her man to accept paternity of the child. But this makes Joseph an adoptive father not a biological father but a father no less.

There are men and women who due to no fault of theirs will NOT be able to have children by biology. Would God deny them the right of being fathers or mothers?

All women who desire birth by pregnancy MUST go through a process to birth the child. Choices are quite limited in that no matter what path you choose, you require human sperm and human egg - neither can be artificially fashioned. This process involves SERIOUS invasion of privacy especially in today's world when gender is no longer considered in reference to assigning doctors. I grew up insisting on only female doctors. Till I was in my 30s only one elderly male doctor ever attended to me and MAMI was present. All others were females.

Many who were born by loving parents in what we can call "normal" homes, grew up with one absent parent or no parent. How normal was that normal? A lady who has now become a celebrity of sort, lost both parents in a fire accident that occurred in their home. Did God cause the accident? No. 

Many men have rendered women infertile by over performing via masturbation thereby limiting the possibility of procreating in marriage. They are gymgym Christians but indulged in the sin of self pleasuring before or in marriage. Should a woman who is married to such godly men be confined to a life of no birth because of the man's sin?

Many have done series of abortion yet, they get into marriage and promptly have children. But there are those who married as virgins and are still going from mountain to mountain to present the prayer of having a child to call their own. Does having a child or not make you less of a Christian or achiever?

Caesarian section is not the ideal but it has become the only path for many. Until the Adeboyes' faith capacity was strengthened, it was an acceptable and non sinful path to birthing of their children.

Genesis 3:16
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Does this verse imply that desiring a man or the rulership over a woman is a curse?

Some are dealing with curses while others are victims of man's inhumanity. One of my researches show that many women who were drugged by reason of being labelled with having latent TB end up with fibroids in the USA. Thereafter, many of them are compelled as part of treatment to remove their uterus. This is one of the ploys of western wickedness to reduce procreation. If such a woman opts for womb replacement surgery, donor eggs or surrogacy, would this be a sin?

Many Muslims do not have major issues with delay to marry or procreation because men can marry more and ladies are urged to marry early to a man of "means"... Such means provides comfort, prompt medical care etc. I know a lady who was secretary in a church. She was disappointed by a minister. She opted to marry a Muslim. He had rejected him to have a relationship with "bro" but "bro" jilted her. She not only married the Muslim; due to the measure of love he showed her, she converted and was sighted by some in her hijab. Have Christians married to Muslims sinned? Have Christians married to Muslims without denying their faith, sinned?

Ideal age for marriage for a woman is 18 - 25. This is because the biology of women is a time clock that starts ticking from birth and at that age, they are at optimal fertility. Yet, unmindful of this, pastors, preachers and parents discourage Christians from marrying early or ask them to delay childbearing. In making women wait, we sin against them. A guy then in my church group made a sister wait. She spent her money to sponsor his education. When he completed his education, he said she no longer fit his bill. The sister is still single today. Was the breakup her fault? Would it be a sin if she opts for insemination? Would it be a sin if she decided to use a surrogate? 

Insemination is one sensitive area I only discuss in one on one counsel as led by the Holy Spirit, whose ways are not our ways. But, I dare say that if insemination is a sin, so is pride and so is falling in love with a woman and desiring her as wife BUT making her wait because you are not yet cash or credential "ready". Making a woman wait is a sin. YOU SIN AGAINST HER DESTINY. Why? You control and/or reduce her chances of being a mother. Some men do it to women, some women and men do it to themselves.

If insemination is not sin, so is the church you attend, the pastor you submit to or the person you marry; these are choices you make. Should you submit to God in making such choices, yes. Is not submitting to God on these decisions a sin? You judge and name what sin it is.

God still works miracles
The essence of miracle is why many are not able to wait for it. A miracle is something you do not know when, where, whether or how it would happen in this life. If we had a globe from where we could see that at 33.5 years you will marry and at 41.3 years you will have a child, many will relax and  it but I guess once you know when or how it cannot be counted as a miracle.

A woman who had a child after 60 was NOT waiting in faith, she gave up swimming in the ocean of making it happen herself BUT God stepped in. It is madness to wait while doing nothing. Faith is not blind sight; it is seeing sight that work and watch (to keep watch is to pray expectantly) with trust in God. We must understand that God does not require our faith to worth miracles. We also must understand that the journey of or in faith does not always end in a miracle. When Abraham went on that journey, he was on a trip of obedience and had no idea it would end in a miracle. If it had not, he may have been labelled a killer and asked to pay the capital price. Who was there when God spoke to Abraham? God's ways are not our ways.

I was heading to my usual spot in a business office one day and I realised children had taken over. I hardly ever saw children in that office. I was so tired that I wanted to turn back; as much as I loved children, I did not wish to be bothered on this particular day. As I was about going to another desk one of the children greeted me charmingly and told me what he was doing. I can turn adults away but I never could turn children away. I smiled immediately and went to see what he was drawing. He should be about 7 years, we got talking and I admired what he was drawing and told him he could create a book from the images. "A book? Cool!" He exclaimed. Before you could say Mary Onyali, he went to get papers from the tray in the printer and asked me how... I switched on my teacher mode and I helped him staple the papers together. He began to draw and show me every step of the way. The little brother of about 5 came to me to say "I want to make a book too! But I can't write. Can you help me?" I smiled and told him yes you can! I'll write for you, just draw... To cut a long story short, these children were so into me that you would not have believed they were not mine. When I sighted their Dad, he just kept saying thank you, keep them busy for me, you are an angel. Before long I was sharing with the children on my laptop and one had leaned on me like we were home and I was reading a story book. He was asking questions and I was giving him all the attention in the world and loving every moment of it. These are not Africans o because some of you may be saying maybe they were missing Nigeria, these were Caucasians! The one leaning on me got so chatty and in our discussion told me they lost their mother two years ago. Their father would never have imagined what we discussed and how close we became without thinking jazz was involved. When their Dad was ready to leave, he practically had to come and drag the leaning one away; he was completely into me. He couldn't but jokingly ask if I would be interested in babysitting them! 😂 At that moment, I forgot I had 5 degrees plus a doctorate and said, yes!

What am I saying, an adopted child could be a miracle and so could quadruplets from insemination. Someone said, "The adopted baby I believe was conceived by a man and woman and not through science." Brethren all children are conceived from the "coupling" of an ovum and a sperm. It gets me every time when someone shares the miracle of a child and someone else ask, is it your first? That question inadvertently stupidly tries to measure God by whether this is a regular or irregular occurrence. Doctors are guilty of this framing. Even if you have had 2 before, a child in your 40s, 50s or 60s, regardless of whether you had medical help or not, is a miracle because earthly wisdom in how we eat, live, work etc has tampered with God's ideal.

God's ideal has been tampered with. God's idea is women and men having children in their prime. God's idea is parents supporting two young people to marry and build a family till they can stand on their own not men and women waiting to build their own houses and then when they are ready they plan a mega wedding and plan to have two children within 3 years thinking they can just switch on biology.

War, economy, education, westernalisation, colonialism, genetical modification, and the likes have tampered with God's ideal. What we now have is permissive will. 

I know a woman in my church whose daughter had a couple of miscarriages and she advised her and her son in law to adopt. The adopted son look so much like her daughter that despite being told, I have a problem believing that her biology did not make it happen. This led me to wonder if ALL cells are the same just differently structured by nature and nurture. 

We must remember that ALL seeds are created by God and all conceptions are orchestrated by God. No conception can take place without heaven being part of it. No doctor has been able to create sperm or ovum. No doctor can tell you exactly what hour you ovulate. No doctor can tell you what minute ejaculate is released. No doctor can make conception happen, they can only aid conception. To do so, an ovum and sperm MUST be involved. 

I know a beautiful brainy woman of God in her 70s. She kept believing God will bring her a "better man". Today she believes that she may have missed God's best. I know another whose first marriage was at 60. Biologically she could no longer have a child but she was not looking for one since she had one in her prime. Why did she marry this late? Was God or self involved in her delay? Could marriage have brought her happiness if having children is her priority and she had none? Would opting for surrogacy, regardless of whether she has one, be a sin?

In many countries a child can be registered by a mother only or by a mother and a father figure. I doubt Italy could have insisted on using the donor's name because in most western countries, depending on what the donor or receiver opted for, the father remains anonymous except he opted that his identity can be revealed usually after 18 years. Italians born outside of Italy are considered Italians. Foreigners who give birth on Italian soil are registered so it is a mother's prerogative to name a father regardless of who biology honours with that title. If Italian law is opposed to homosexuality, then the child cannot be registered with two mothers as parents. This is a different issue entirely. And yes, homosexuality and the likes is considered a sin. 

We all believe our parents gave birth to us, what will you do if your mother called you to say your father is NOT your real father. I will laugh and hug my Dad because for me, except they killed to swap me or did something really atrocious, the man who nurtured me remains my father regardless of biology. Loving him will depend not on the biology of his essence called nature but on his gift of nurture. Jesus did not have the benefit of biological affiliation yet he had a father and led a normal life. His birth strengthens Yorubas saying, baba ku, baba ku (father dies, father remains - to die and to remain have the same spelling but different sounds).

In Christianity there is absolutely nothing like bastard child. Logically there nothing like bastard child. If you sleep with a married woman in America and she gets pregnant and decides to keep the child. Under the law, guess who owns the child? The woman's husband? 😂 If the man who impregnated her dares to fight, he would have a case of adultery on his hands. A child born in marriage belongs to the couple regardless of how the child was fathered or mothered. The lady whose daughter I referred is presently going through a divorce with the man with whom she adopted the child. Guess one thing that is not being discussed? The paternity or responsibility of the child. In America once you adopt a child, the birth parents lose parental rights at least till the child is 18.

The word bastard is a derogatory and archaic term. And do you know what it really means? A childborn of parents who are not married. So if you were birthed before your parents got married then that tag applies to you. Under the western law, your birth needs to be legitimised within  marriage. But as I said, all 
Please let's leave out cultural references to children born outside wedlock as bastards. Our yardstick is NOT Nigeria, Italy or America, it is the God through the Bible and no child can be tagged bastards because we all belong to God. The seeds (cells - ovums and sperms) of pastors, prisoners, rapists, rappers, murderers and missionaries all come from God. He owns all children. Those through whom the come or homes through which they grow are custodians and custodians of God's destinies (Ephesians 1:5, Romans 8:15-17).
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Some went to America with ori olori (head of another) and God made a way for them. Some went legitimately yet they wonder if they heard well before leaving for America. One thing I can unequivocally tell you is that, no matter how long we debate such a sensitive topic as "insemination for singles", each of us would have a decision to make at some point in life and the ONLY person you are ultimately accountable to for your action, is God. 

In conclusion...

What is insemination? It is the artificial reproduction technology (ART) of inserting an ovum to swim towards sperm or a fertilised embryo into a woman for the possibility of this growing full term to be born naturally or surgically. Interestingly, sex is also referred to as natural insemination. And some have opted for this outside of marriage. Some cultures in Igboland do this (to cover the "shame" of a man with fertility issues) and the child is not considered to be the man's but that of the man for whom he did the "insemination" (similar to what I said of child born by a married woman in America).

The Bible wrote about a time when many women will say just let me answer your name... I also write that the time is coming, when many would ask "friends" to father or mother their children (donate cells) artificially or naturally with no option of marriage just so they can know the joy of participating in creation and the happiness of child carrying, child birthing and child nurturing. 

Whatever choice we make, let us ensure that we yield to God because we need Him to orchestrate the outcome we expect. All stories I have shared here are not fiction. I know 90% of those involved. I will end with this story.

I was told of a woman who was married for about 13 years, no child. The man filed for divorce for just one reason - childlessness. This is a sin. Some of you will get to this crossroad, know that a decision to leave a woman because she cannot or has not brought forth is a sin. Why. You promised to love her unconditionally, regardless. No woman or man can make conception happen. While this may be an expectation, God never said all women and all men MUST have children. He created all with procreation cells but lifestyle and wickedness affects abilities and capabilities.

The story. After the divorce she decided to go on a vacation. On the plane she met a certain man and they chatted. Later that night she jammed the man in the lobby. One thing led to the other and they had sex. My morning he was gone. She could not careless. Back on vacation, she returned to her role in church. Few months later she discovered she was pregnant. As shameful as this would be since everyone knew she was divorced, abortion was not option. She made her decision. When she was invited by the pastorate council to discuss disciplinary action which includes demotion etc she thanked them and said "I de-minister myself, I de-member myself and I even de-redeemed myself!" She turned in her badge as deaconess. She got busy taking care of herself and praying to God for guidance. This was her FIRST PREGNANCY EVER. I bet you want to know how the story ended? Ask me on DC Whatsapp Forum. It is a forum exclusively for registered members of DC. 

To respond directly, having a child without committing the sin of adultery or fornication is not a sin. Having a child fulfils the directive of "be fruitful and multiply" in Genesis.  

Using artificial means may be a sign of fear, desperation, unbelief, impatience, avoidance or foresightedness.

Is insemination God's ideal for an unmarried man or woman? Is this a sin? Can a loving environment be created for such children? Would you rather end up spouseless and childless if there are options to having and nurturing yours? Is the desire to participate in creation a sin? Does the decision to trust God about having children via ART imply that you do not trust God to do it in marriage? How long should you wait for marriage or in marriage before considering the option of ART? Do children born via insemination deserve love? Should parents who opt for insemination be asked to exit the body of Jesus Christ? What was the decision of the church in the narrative by Ms. Tolu Osho?

In closing...

When we realise that when we close our eyes in death, natural or artificial insemination or none, would matter no more, we will be fearless about making decisions yet we will accept that God rules in the affairs of men and women. We will understand that whatever outcome heaven orchestrates in response to our wants and needs will work out for our good.

Remember Proverbs 3:5-6

I thank Ms. Tolu Osho for this poser. I had wanted to bring it up myself after I discussed it extensively with one of our members during one on one counsel weeks before now (that is the benefit of counsel). It throws up many questions but the decision of "to do insemination" or "not to do" is YOURS as individuals.

May God help us all.

MARRIAGE IS NOT AN ESCAPE ROUTE by Tolu Osho



In our present day world, there are loads of people; men and ladies who so desperately want to be married. 

For single Christians, while we are waiting for this to happen, we shouldn’t allow our lives to be on pause or oscillate like a pendulum. All we do should not just revolve around the desire to get married. We shouldn’t look at marriage as an avenue for someone to come into our lives and turn it around or fix it. Our lives should be fixed before marriage

True talk that hope deferred makes the heart sick. Nowadays, I even hear different analysis like once you are in your mid thirties, it becomes more difficult for single men to marry ladies; that men prefer younger girls in their twenties, they are scared of mature women in their thirties and a whole lot of unfound speculations.

For some of us, it may seem that the older we get, the farther away the right person seems to move. No denying it, this long wait can result in anxiety and can cause one to be on the verge of depression or fall into depression proper.

The truth is, no matter what we go through as Christians, we shouldn't let our joy depend on our marital status or circumstances surrounding us.

Marriage is sweet, honourable and desirable, but we aren’t supposed to have the mindset that marriage is the way to happiness. To think that marriage is what will make you happy is to misplace your expectations. We are solely responsible for our joy and happiness.

If as a person, your attitude is messed up (you can't find and own your joy) marriage won't fix you; it will just complicate the existing mess, because you can't give your partner what you don't have.

Let's take our time of waiting to make ourselves happy and develop ourselves. When you love every bit of you, that is when someone else can appreciate and love you.

Marriage is like building a house. You need to carry tools, dig, get your hands dirty in the process of putting the structure in place, a block on top of the other, one day at a time. At the end of the day, it's either you build a good or a bad house.

So, an unhappy person expecting to be happy in marriage will be overwhelmed when he/she sees that there's work to be done to build a good house i.e to enjoy marriage. Your lack of joy  mode cannot make you the right "good house" builder. 

As singles, before embarking on marriage or relationship, be a happy, fulfilled, independent Christian. Only then are you qualified to enjoy bliss in marriage. Make up your mind to be happy, have joy. Do not wait for your happiness to be hinged on someone else. 

Let's also bear in mind that marriage is not a solution to loneliness! Marriage doesn't guarantee an end to loneliness. Millions of married people are lonely too, still looking for a level of understanding and acceptance their spouse doesn't offer. 

Therefore, work on yourself and know that marriage is not a way out but a beginning of another journey that will have its ups and downs.


Ms. Tolu Osho is a member of Divine Connection.