Thursday, 26 August 2010


Some of the realities we are faced with today are what we witnessed at the DC KISS 14.02.10:

1. Fewer men than women. A number of guys who signed up to attend the event developed cold feet! We didn't envisage this. On on our part we’d have to do more to draw them in. We can all help by inviting guys around us. You may not fancy those you invite but you will be giving them an opportunity to connect with or to someone.

The truth that this drives home is that women have to be ready to do the asking; so he comes around you and wouldn't talk or invite you for a date so what should you do? Go ahead and invite him to a date! Hopefully he'll relax and do what a man should do.

2. Low level of interaction. Guests gravitated towards their friends or gender but we can solve this by consciously deciding to mingle with others regardless of gender, age or status. You may have felt like na man I wan meet but these females, younger folks etc have brothers, cousins, friends who may be or provide the link you require.

Gentlemen and ladies, we need to interact more. Don't hide in your shell interact!

3. Conventional conditioning. The scripts given to participants never said use the head tie to make a head gear or knot the tie. The script said, be innovative but all the participants did the same thing! The conventional thing. Also the script did not say don't ask for help but most of the participants did not ask their partners for help. What am I saying?

We need to take a walk away from tradition to melt the heart of those we hook up with. We also need to ask for help. A woman knows better how to use head tie and a man knows better how to knot a tie; should you not be sure how to make your partner happy, ask him/her.

4. Comparing. Those who participated measured what they were doing by the standard of others on the stage. We do that in our relationships forgetting personalities differ. Only one participant tried to match the colour of the tie she chose with the colour of the shirt worn by partner.

In life we may not always get to choose, at times choice is thrust at us. If one participant had used the material to tie a bow or as a wrapper, I bet another would have followed suit. Let’s blaze our own trail and make it something worth copying.

5. Unpreparedness. Those who participated in "Between U & I" were unprepared. Let's face it; a number of the guy meet gal episodes are mostly unplanned. If a man stumbles over his words, that is not the time to crush his ego and if a woman does the asking, it doesn't mean she is cheap. I particularly liked the lady who offered to pay for cab; just do it if it makes you happy and/or would move the relationship forward.

In business partnerships as in relationships, often one person get's the big picture and would have to work to ignite the same passion in the other person.

I decided to give you a taste of the third edition of our newsletter. The newsletter is a prelude to our magazine for mature singles. We are prayerfully considering a name for the magazine; kindly send us your suggestion if you did not do so at the event. The newsletter sells for N50 per copy. If you were inspired by the two editions you received at the event, kindly sponsor copies for colleagues, church members, community and family folks etc. Together we can create enduring relationships.

If you found the event worthwhile tell others. If we fell short, tell us. We have taken your feedback to heart and we promise to grow to your delight. Our next event would take place in May. Those who were sponsored to KISS would be allowed to bring a friend for a full fee while those who sponsored themselves would be allowed to participate at half fee just as a way of giving back. We hope you'll find time to attend and encourage others to do so. Comments about how much fun you had can be sent to be included in the next newsletter.

I appreciate you and pray that your vision will find wings to soar as you connect to purpose.

Seeking Mate?

Are you single single? I mean unattached in soul, mind and body? If so, send your profile and we would prayerfully link you up. Presently we have three men interested in connecting for the possibility of marriage.

1. Widower, with 2 children, in his late 40s seek mature female. Interested? Contact Host, DC.

2. Single in his mid-30s seek pretty mature female between 30 and 40. Interested? Contact Host, DC.

3. Single. Medical Doctor. 35 years. Needs wife. Reside in Abuja

4. Single in mid-30s seek professional man between 40 and 45. Interested? Contact Host, DC.

Feel free to add your profile.

Together we can create and nurture enduring relationships. Be there!!!

Tap into your DC

A member asked, “He has been hanging around me for months, how do I find out what he really wants?” The simple response that set her free was, “Ask!” We are with you on this journey; feel free to contact us or send us your questions and comments via Facebook so others can benefit.

With N50 you can connect a friend, with N500 you can share DC with 5 – 10 people. With N5,000 you can become a full fledged member and have access to direct counsel, review of your previous relationship(s) and profiling through which you may be linked to a matching profile. With N25,000 you can co-sponsor our monthly meetings. With N50,000 you can co-sponsor our regional meeting. With N500, 000 you can co-sponsor our book project.

With support from partners we have begun work on two books that will minister to mature singles, those who work with them and those who wish to support our cause to create blissful marriages. 

Don’t sit on the fence, be a BIG part of what we are doing! The more we get together the more we can demystify singlehood and create loving environments where enduring relationships can grow.

We are planning a beach or cruise event for one of our regional meetings. Let's have your ideas on how to serve you.

Character: A Visible Key

Character is a visible key. Like smoke it comes off you.

I was speaking to a man of God the other day, “I don’t know what their problem is, they come around but they just don’t talk!” Then he baited me by saying, “So you don’t play along? You mean you don’t know how to make them talk?” From my response he must have read my no-nonsense personality. He went on to ask about my Dad’s occupation – Police Man! I never saw it until he pointed it out. What baggage do we carry from our parents that we don’t necessarily need?

You may not be able to print “virgin” on your forehead, even where you do s/he’d have to get there to confirm so it wouldn’t be so much use until later. You may be able to print "from a morally conscious home" on your palm but even quicker than that s/he would would perceive your person from the first interaction.

Though you’ve spent your entire life living the Christian life and you are frustrated that all your seed of morality and service in God’s vineyard isn’t amounting to much, you need to bury your frustration and just be personable; “He that must be a friend must show himself/herself friendly.”

Share your opinion about the place of character in building a Godly relationship.

Love: What package does it come in?

Over the years men and women seem to have a definite idea of the packaging love should come in... Must be single, must not have a child, must be educated, must at least be good looking, must be a Christian, must speak good English...

But, how well does the packaging match the content especially when you start counting the days, months and years? Should pre-conceived notions, societal expectations and family doctrines determine where your heart goes?

What matters most?

You'd agree with me that yes or no goes beyond what is visible to others. Let's discuss what motivates your response in deciding to go the extra mile with admirers.


This would be a group where we'd really ask and answer questions that would connect us to destiny. So feel free to ask and be magnanimous in your response.

The first query that comes to my mind is - Why do more men and women look outside the Body of Christ for relationships?

Dating Advice: 7 Mistakes

I got some tips from a review on Lori Gottlieb’s new book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough and I’ll like to share same with you.

The same unrealistic expectations we have about dating, about courtship, we have about marriage, too. Married people have said that this book makes them appreciate their husbands more. Here’s what a number of single women do that we might want to reconsider:

1. Compromise.
Write down all the reasons a guy would not want to date you. You’d be surprised that what you think of as endearing and cool may be annoying to someone else. According to Gottlieb, he would love you so much that he would overlook those things. And you need to overlook things in him. Everybody has to compromise.

2. Limitless Options.
You walk into a store and you know you want a bag and it has to go with these shoes and it has to be this colour, and you’d like it to be affordable. You find something great, but you wonder if there’s something better out there, so you keep searching. In the end, after three more weeks of searching for the perfect bag; was it so much better than the one you could have bought originally? Whether it’s with men or bags, if you just think you have unlimited options for the rest of your life, of course you’ll keep looking.

3. Judgmental.
Gottlieb: “The guys I interviewed for the book said women judge them so much. Women gave me 300 reasons they wouldn’t go on a second date with a guy, and men gave 3. When guys are ready for that stage of life, they find someone who is good enough that they’re totally in love with. Guys don’t sit and micro-analyze a woman the way a woman would with a man. He knows she’s not as hot, not as accomplished or not as funny as the last girl he dated, but that’s okay. She’s hot enough.”

4. Pickier.
With online dating, we judge based on objective criteria (height, weight), rather than subjective (attraction), which you can’t judge until you meet the person. When you read other people’s profiles, don’t make assumptions or rule them out because of one thing they wrote. You can fall in love with a guy who wrote that he likes Pasuma, but you can’t fall in love with a guy who isn’t kind.

5. Selective.
In cities where you find a lot of really ambitious, Type-A, driven people, like in Lagos and PH, with the entertainment and business…you get a lot of ‘maximizers’ [people who keep looking over their shoulder for something better]. Maximizer women date maximizer men. The men who are actually available and wanting commitment and who are smart and funny and cute - maybe one guy is a short, so he’s not getting the women. Maybe he’s not smooth initially or in big groups, but he is one-on-one. These are the kind of people who when you’re 35, 45, 55, that you’ll be happy with when you’re married, and the guy who is super charming at the party and has the crowd of women around him, maybe he’s not going to make as good of a husband. Maybe he’s not going to call you back. That guy is going to be judgmental and picky, and who wants that?”

6. Love.
Gottlieb: “We don’t need a man. We don’t. But if you want one don’t go around with this attitude of ‘I love me more.” [what Samantha said in the Sex and the City movie, after she dumps a hot guy who helped her through cancer (and female audiences cheered)]. A relationship is about reciprocity, so you need to love yourself and you need to be able to have some selflessness and love somebody else. If you don’t want to be alone you need to love someone enough to let them love you and fill your loneliness

7. Interest.
Gottlieb: “We say, ‘I’m a writer, but he doesn’t read! I’m creative.’ But people can be creative in different ways, and the fact that he doesn’t read the same books that you do, well, maybe he wants someone who he can talk about the baseball game with but you’re not that person. The guy doesn’t have to be one-stop shopping. You’re not going to share every single interest, and that’s okay. The shared interest should be, “Do we want the same things out of life? Do we both want to be married right now?”

Marry Him is in stores in US, UK, NG & online.