ARE YOU MATURE?

WHAT IS MATURITY?

Many have asked why I specifically say Divine Connection (DC) is for mature Christian singles. It follows that to become a member or tap into the grace of counsel from our leaders, you must be mentally mature; we have set 25 as the bench mark age... Also, you must believe in Jesus and you must be unmarried, newly married or interested in the vision of reducing the population of those tagged single or unmarried.

I have borrowed from a message making rounds but edited to fit our goal.

Maturity is not really about age or physical development yet we have set an age because our marital or relationship counselling service is not for children or teenagers.

The definitions below will help:

1. Maturity is consideration for where others are in the journey of life or level of spirituality. Sometimes ago, Pa Enoch Adejare Adeboye was not born again. God brought him to it.

2. Maturity is understanding that your ideas may be good enough but other ideas may be better or best under particular circumstances.

3. Maturity is letting go of pain, hurt or heartbrokenness. If doing so cause you pain then you are immature and do not understand that God is able to bring good out of every wrong deed against you.

4. Maturity is anchoring your relationship expectations on God and God alone. The man or woman who made you a promise is fallible!

5. Maturity is giving because it is a virtue backed by promise. Harvest comes not from the soil that received your seed but from God who brings increase. Do positive things for your own peace. Remember Hebrews 12:14.

6. Maturity is humility, show-off shows a lack of intelligence and gracefulness! All we have, including intelligence, has been graciously granted or given.

7. Maturity is absent when comparison is present. Read 2 Corinthians 10:12. Life is a race with individual medals not a competition.

8. Maturity is remembering God gives as He pleases. Throwing tantrums cannot and should not always get you what you want when you want it. God in His infinite mercy withholds what may delude or damage us.

9. Maturity is contentment, godliness with contentment is great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6. In your satisfaction, aspire gracefully.

10. Maturity is disassociating yourself from bitters and hurters. Trying to pay back hurt will damage your candour.

11. Maturity is selflessness. 

12. Maturity is knowing there is limit to people pleasing. Set boundaries for prospective users and drainers.

13. Maturity sees multiple perspectives directed by ethics, integrity or righteousness. Having a wider view of what is and what ought to be will aid your journey.

14. Maturity is passion for souls not judgement or condemnation.

15. Maturity is knowing the difference and relationship between right and responsibility.

16. Maturity is loving selflessly. God is love and He is a rewarder of those who sow lovingly.

17. Maturity*m is applying wisdom and knowledge in humility.

18. Maturity is knowing that accomplishment, failure, destiny, reputation and your life depends on God in partnership with your choices. Make decisions wisely and avoid finger pointing.

19. Maturity is praying for leaders (even those considered unfair) and those who hate or dislike you. Pray for them, without loosing your cool, to change or be changed (translated)! 

20. Maturity is knowing God, worshipping Him with all that you have, seeking His Kingdom knowing full well that all other things will be added to bring you to an expected good end regardless of what others think, say or do. Jeremiah 29:11.

Are you mature?

#EditedbyDr.OmololaOmoteso

Dr. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's words for the healing of others.

Should I change my last name in marriage?

*On Name*

Again there is no hard and fast rule. Sarah called Abraham Lord but it was most likely by choice. Sarah was not Sarah Abraham. Though she honoured her husband by yielding to him, she was a woman who held up her own. Not all men would yield to their women in the area of solving the issue of bringing forth with having sex with a maid. Even if a man accepted, he would not turn round to drive the woman who bore him an only child for being insolent; who caused it?

At times when we ask questions, I pull back from responding because it is not straight forward and requires lengthy explanation so it is not misconstrued. Unfortunately even with the explanation one may not do full justice to everyone because it is not one size fits all. This is why I encourage you to sign up for one on one counsel so the issues can be treated with you, your relationship history and personality in mind

Some say I will NEVER cheat on my spouse when I get married but what will happen if you marry as a virgin only to find out the man is impotent. Will you carry your cross with faith or carry marriage over as a failed course or cross over to another course! Let's leave that.

There is a country where the man and woman come together to take a fresh last name created by the couple. Another culture has every female answering their maiden last name while in another culture the woman adopts her maternal grandmother's last name in marriage.

Many will be quick to say in Nigeria the woman is expected to take her husband's name but this is neither biblical nor constitutional nor legal.

I never changed mine formally though I now use Temi's last name more now to celebrate him. Former President Clinton is not Bill's biological father's last name! But I am not your standard, neither is Bill, God is.

What name did you sign for those who are married? The man signs as Mr and the woman signs as Miss; which shows under the law in Nigeria, the marital contract is between an unmarried man and unmarried woman. Though most court clerks say sign your father's name for the last time, the marital contract is not with a Mrs. it is with a Miss. If compulsory, a woman would have been asked to sign her husband's last name for the first time. Instead any woman who is interested in acquiring her huaband's last name would have to legally do so. In the USA, you have to file to do so and explain why. In some instance you are required to defend why.

Jesus is known as Jesus Christ. Is Christ his father's last name? I would not like to go into the exegesis of names rather I'll suggest you both discuss it and weigh the implication. 

For someone getting married at 22, you probably have little or no history beyond attending primary, secondary and university. For someone who is 40 or 50 you have in addition years of work, training certificates, published works, properties and at times even a child! How easy is it to disassociate yourself. 

A man and woman should discuss it and agree. For the sake of peace the man should be liberal; that a woman adopts your last name or not has nothing to do with the feelings in her heart. If she does, celebrate her for this action that may actually be a loss to her.

A man in the USA loved and adopted his wife's last name. When divorce stepped in, he was faced with the challenge of changing the name because he now had a history with the name. He experienced what many women have had to deal with. 

We must always realise that a marital contract WILL be broken at some point by death (natural - heaven or human activated ) or divorce (man made). As such, I discourage 100% the adoption of husband's first name alongside his last name. God forbid that either of the two genies appears early what do you do? I warned a lady but infatuation had taken over her heart. Few years into the marriage it ended in divorce. Now she has the weight of a combined last name created from her FORMER husband's first and last name.

All that said, using same last name makes you appear or gives a semblance of unity. Using the same last name while living as cat and dog is double identity crisis! 

President Buhari's daughter recently married but even her father's private invitation to the reception had her last name combined (her husband and her father's). As a proverb says, a good name is better than gold and silver. 

If you wish that a woman take on your last name ENSURE the name would add to her not take away from her. You must begin to protect the name for those who will adopt it including your children. Dropping Utomi to take on Anini may not be wise. Some men should consider adopting a fresh name and surname if current repels blessings from you due  to negative association implied.

Mrs. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's words for the healing of others.

Wired for Success in Relationship

I was invited to speak at the RCCG Lagos Province 19 Annual Built to Last Conference on Saturday 28^th of November 2015 and it dawned on me that despite the drive for positive change in the national sphere, our relationships have continued to experience negative change.

Whether we believe it or not, a dearth of strong relationships, will ultimately affect our national drive for change. So how can we achieve change or success in our relationships - love, work, ministry etc.?

Consider this as you audit the year and plan for the year ahead...

HATE and LOVE are the key words. HATE leads to failure and LOVE leads to success.

Tips that can lead to failed relationship

H - Hurt; you need to heal from past hurts to position you to love again or love genuinely. If you were hurt at your last job, except you have a new mindset you may very well be hurt again at your new job because something has wired pain in you!

A - Anger; you must stop being angry with yourself, others, your situation, your parent, partner, boss etc. Fix what needs to be fixed and move up.

T - Temptations or trials; contentment the Bible say is great gain. Don't let the trials of life or lust of the eyes kill you. Coveting your boss' wife/husband or seat may be your undoing.

E - Envy or enemies; being envious of the person you are in a relationship with could lead to enmity and ultimately destroy the union. Learn to complement the person not compete with the person

Tips that can lead to successful relationship

L - Live; don't merely exist. Be yourself and bend genuinely where need be. If you prefer no make up and he prefers heavy make up, settle for something moderate and have his understanding. If she prefers corporate dressing and you prefer slacks settle for business casual.

O - Outstanding; the man/woman you are interested in has other suitors likewise the seat you have just been promoted to, so stand out. You can stand out with one shirt or one talent. Ask God to help you. David stood out amongst his brothers by being the nurturer and carer.

V - Vision; know your vision and share it. Money is not everything; many women would pick a man with a vision before the one that has a television. Vision will grow television would need a newer model soon!

E – Empathy i.e. the ability to understand and share the feelings of the other person would go a long way to cement the relationship or love between you. Be a friend not a fiend!

If this made sense to you, note that the abridged version of the ministration would be on www.dckiss.blogspot.com soon for a limited time. Subscribe and encourage others to subscribe to the site to enable you receive the 5 part document.

Dr. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's Word for the healing of souls.

Succeeding the Bible Way

Brethren, anyone can succeed. You don’t need to be saved to succeed. As humans, we are all wired for success, little wonder some tamper with that wiring to negatively redefine success e.g. Adolf Hitler and others like him. Bill Gates is a success but he doesn’t go to church. To kick-start your wiring for success, you need the principles I have shared. But to have good, righteous or enduring success, there is only one place to turn – God, and there is only one instance of “good success” in the KJV Bible. If you get it, you’ll get a copy of my book… Let’s open to Joshua 1:8, read with me if you have the KJV Bible:

This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.

Brethren, whatever strategy you adopt, if you want your success to be Christ-like, credible and constant, look to the Author and Finisher of your faith and to His Word – the Bible.

As I conclude, I want you to write down your own definition of success. Then write down your purpose or what you believe your calling in life is. To get married is not a purpose or calling, it is a desire, which could be a means to fulfil your calling. Remember, who you marry can make or mar your calling in life. Search the Word of God to discover your divine wiring for success. Genesis 1:27 say, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.” Say, “I am created in God’s image.” God is synonymous with excellence and success so you are wired for success. It is not enough to believe it but you need to search for facts in the Bible and in your life that will establish such belief in you only then will nothing be able to edit out that fact. Say loudly, I am wired for success. I will wire success in me. By God, I will succeed.

I grew up being very timid. But after I overhead the school matron saying, “E wo omo ti won so wipe ko le se head girl o, that she is too small and timid, see all she has achieved as the health captain!” I made up my mind, that NOTHING will rob me of opportunities again. I went to join Man O’ War, I started climbing trees and looking people straight in the eyes so much so that I was nicknamed “small but mighty!” What you need to do, to come out of your own limiting factors or circumstances may be different but I want you to do this either tonight or before the end of this week: Write down everything that appears like limiting factors – I have k-leg, I stammer, I was born by poor parents, I was trained by my uncle who used me as house help, my parents are so rich that they pampered me and I can’t do anything by myself. Write everything down. Then tear it up, burn it or put it in an envelope and seal it until you succeed. As you minimise these limiting circumstances, you would move closer to your success. Finally, move from undermining to maximising the power of your potential (God given talents or acquired abilities), define or redefine your purpose, begin to exude passion about what you do, who you are and where you are going, determine to persevere and appreciate your positioning regardless role or status. I’ll explain, Joseph became a slave but he appreciated the fact that he was divinely positioned; instead of bemoaning his status he was thanking God for being alive and for being a slave in the palace. Instead of jumping at the rare amoral privilege of becoming the Queen’s gigolo, he opted to remain disciplined. When he found himself in prison, he ensured that prison was not found in him.

My definition of success is achieving or fulfilling God’s desire for my creation. By implication, my extended definition is “Joyfully creating an extraordinary life for myself, my family, those I love and those around me.” Brethren, the science of achievement is embedded in the ability to take your dream and ideas from mere illusion into reality. The art of achievement is fulfilment. Therefore, success is achievement with fulfilment. As a spiritual being, something will leap in you, when you succeed but never to a point where you let discontentment set it. Achievement without fulfilment is ultimate failure.

I will end with this story, Robin Williams the comedian, was a success. He wanted to make people laugh, host a television show, make movies, receive awards including an Oscar, have a beautiful family, he wanted to be loved by people and he achieve ALL. Not some but all. But sadly success was not wired in him and so for many years he suffered from periodic bouts of depression, which led to substance.

Dr. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's Word for the healing of souls.

Destiny Deflators

Part I is titled Wired for Success...

This leads us to the next part of this ministration – Destiny Deflators! Circuit Breakers! Your wiring for success may experience short circuit or outage because of destiny watchers or destiny killers. Destiny deflators or circuit breakers can interrupt the high current of your wiring for success.

Some of you are employed in places that may lead to success outage. A similar account is in Genesis 30:29-30. Here we see Jacob speaking to his employer, Laban, “And he said unto him, Thou knowest how I have served thee, and how thy cattle was with me. For it was little which thou hadst before I came, and it is now increased unto a multitude; and the Lord hath blessed thee since my coming: and now when shall I provide for mine own house also?” You cannot just sit and watch. By returning to the drawing table, I was able to get my employer to give me Thursdays off in addition to closing earlier on Tuesdays so I could attend Bible Study. Jacob threatened to quit before Laban confessed that his success was rooted in the grace upon Jacob’s life. Be careful of Destiny Devaluers! When the Holy Spirit prompts you, you may have to re-nogotiate the terms of service or exit the employment for the glory of your success to see the light of day.

Let’s look at Isaiah 6:1, what happened in the year King Uzziah died? Isaiah saw the Lord. Which means that if King Uzziah did not die, the possibility of Isaiah seeing the Lord may be slim or lost. What are the things, habits, issues and even people that need to go or die (temporarily or permanently) for you to fully maximise your wiring for success? Whoever is capable of truncating or short-circuiting your destiny MUST be kept at a distance. Some of them like Uzziah may need to die, others may need to be repelled or avoided to ensure your progress towards success is hidden from them. If keeping your distance does not work, you may have to spiritually break the evil transmitter attached to your success meter!

Herod would have truncated Moses’ destiny, Pharaoh may have truncated Joseph destiny, king Darius would have short circuited Daniel’s destiny and king of Babylon, Nebuchadnezzar, would have shortened the lives of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego if they had not remained fully plugged into God who wired them for success. It is because of negative controllers of destiny that we need biblical strategies and warfare prayers to succeed or excel in life.

The Bible say call upon me and I will (answer), ask and you will be (given), seek and you will (find), knock and the door will be (opened). There are biblical strategies without which you could remain stagnant even on the road to success. Your experience and your individual circumstance would determine how you would apply these strategies. If a lion is chasing you, you are not likely to get to the door of God’s mercy and begin to whisper, “Darling Jesus, could you open the door to my breakthrough?” Calling, asking, seeing and knocking are quite relative; your need will drive your approach!

There was a proverb in the days of old which reflects the fact that children born while on exile in Babylon continue to pay for the sins of their fathers which means, regardless of their destiny, because they were born into slavery, they were doomed for failure. Slavery was their short circuit; their destiny deflator while stagnancy was their circuit breaker. But God repealed that proverb by His grace for the benefit of his children. Jeremiah 31:29, “In those days they shall say no more: ‘The fathers have eaten sour grapes, And the children’s teeth are set on edge’.” Thank God for His grace!

Dr. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's Word for the healing of souls.