Beware of Deceptive Diagnosis

Usually this is not a topic for singles - young or mature. But reality is that many mature singles either have children (natural, adopted or acquired) or are looking to sign up for parenting. As such, it is essential to point them to how the world may try to label the special gift(s) they have elected to nurture.

It is sad that helping and medicating is now decided along money lines. I found out sometime ago that because labeling children with ADHD, ADD etc. earns the school or clinic more money, psychologists would rather label than counsel. That a psychiatrist will choose to medicate instead of help a patient through therapy because medication brings in more Naira or Dollars is sad! My husband and I went to see a surgeon recently and the reception was clogged. The surgeon came out briefly to crack a joke about people having to wait longer because the schedulers overbooked. I was shocked that patients went in and out within 10-15 minutes. When it was our turn, he took a brief look at the procedure done previously and decided it would not work well. I was shocked! How could anyone, regardless of the years of experience, just take a look and make a decision based on gut feeling? He was done in less than 10 minutes and asked us to see a nurse who made him sign a document in a hurry. It took me going online to review a similar form to find out and explain to my husband what he signed. Needless to say he had no idea. But this does not only happen with those in the medical field, pastors do it to. 

I once witnessed a minister who spent less than 5 minutes to "counsel" and make "prophetic proclamations"; needless to say the vulnerable souls within the short time made donation and took whatever they were told to heart even though they left burdened since they had no opportunity to really share. To really help someone, we need to KNOW them and BUILD a relationship. That Jesus cultivated relationships is key and should be emulated by every Counselor especially Biblical Counselors. Unfortunately most counselees only value service they pay for and would cast aspersion on paying a Biblical Counselor; I have counseled my husband, siblings, friends on some issues but until a source they paid said the same thing, they did not take it is as life saving. How do we cross this bridge especially if setting up a center?

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is usually first diagnosed in children and adolescents. It is characterised by inappropriate degrees of inattention, impulsivity and/or hyperactivity. Children with ADHD may be may be impulsive, forgetful, restless to the point of disruption, prone to fail, unable to follow through on tasks, unpredictable and moody. These characteristics appear in early childhood and are relatively chronic in nature. It is believed that this disorder is not due to other physical, mental or emotional causes. From time to time, all children will be inattentive, impulsive and/or exhibit high activity levels but this behavior is much greater in children with ADHD. 

When ADHD is left unidentified or untreated a child is said to be at great risk for impaired learning ability, decreased self-esteem, social problems, family difficulties and potential. Unfortunately, it is estimated that ADHD affects 3-5% of the school-age population, which means as many as 3.5 million children. That is the world’s perspective. However, I garnered from research that the ADHD diagnosis can be traced to the inability of parents to accept God’s calling in the area of parenting. If all parents see parenthood as God’s gift to enable us share in the joy of creation, we would embrace our role and save the world of deceptive diagnosis. Parenting was never meant as a burden; it is in fulfillment of God’s command of fruitfulness (Genesis 1:28) and goes to prove God’s loving kindness to mankind. The gift of children gave us the hope of continuity and it was through this continuity offered through God’s seeds that we received a child who brought the gift of redemption. 

All Christians and indeed all parents need to accept the fact that all children, believers, non-believers, are seeds of God’s blessings (Genesis 17:20). God gives and takes life, regardless of how these lives turn out here on earth; they were fashioned by him (Jeremiah 1:5). God created and can use any and every child. Just as Adam the first son was given the assignment to till the ground. God gave parents the duty to nurture their children in the way of the Lord; Proverbs 22:6 says, Train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. We are to do our part and our part will impact the child even when he is old. So parenting is a lifelong role and any child – biological, adopted, in our sphere of influence etc, can be sent to us at any point in our lives. Parenting only becomes a burden when we decide to go it our way instead of God’s way. The peace of Eden became troubled when Adam and Eve decided to listen and act based on the serpents leading instead of God’s instruction which was simple. 

Once humans were given “worldly” options, they tossed the simple instruction that came with a nourishing garden in exchange for the devil’s option which left them homeless and troubled. Parents should note that they have God’s help; it is available, we only need to ask and draw from his fountain. Parents are not to abdicate their roles to teachers, media, societal norm etc. It is interesting to read the perspective about “quality time”; the job of parenting is never to be so compartmentalized, parenting is full time and we are to bind God’s commands in our heart and make it our watchword ((Deuteronomy 6:6-7). Biblical truth and positive modeling remains the only highway to ensure a child does not become diagnosed with ADHD and live on medication or enslaved to ungodly passion and desires.

As parents and mentors, we need to accept God and bring children to God; whether they grew up in or out of church they need a touch from God and God is willing and able to make it happen through us. I have always counseled children without quite leading them to the Savior first because I felt it is manipulative to ask a troubled child to accept Jesus before helping to solve the problem in their lives. Usually I pray with them, counsel them and then lead them to Jesus. But often, once they find a way round the issue; it could take a while before they accept Jesus. Now I know that since only God can make a lasting impact in a child’s life through Jesus then I should always do this first.  I learned to always bring children to a place where they see the need for God and I can do this by sharing examples of how God has been there for me.  

I teach about salvation using movies, games, story books and can continue to reinforce the message of God’s saving grace, compassion and faithfulness by evangelizing and doing stuff around them that can lead them to Jesus. Once I have done my part appropriately and adequately, I wouldn’t try to save them; I can nurture, I can care but God saves. Ephesians 6:4 was apt in the message to parents, especially fathers who are usually absent today: And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Going the Extra Mile

What does it mean to go the extra mile?

Literally, it means to walk further but to go or walk the extra mile is an idiom that means to try harder to please someone or to get a task done correctly, to do more than or put in a greater effort than is naturally or normally required or expected to reach a goal. I need you to think of how a friend has gone the extra mile for you.

Now when I say extra mile note that I don't mean extra mile in cheating, irresponsibility, laziness, dishonesty or any of such vices that I'm sure some are a part of. I mean going the extra mile in positive things. It is possible to go the extra mile for and by yourself e.g. studying. God knows that if a credit in Mathematics was compulsory for Art subject I may not have gone to the university. In my first attempt I walked out on my Math exam but when I realised I needed at least a pass even to study Philosophy, I had to go the extra mile.

So what motivates you to go the extra mile either for yourself or for others?

Before we continue, let's go into the Bible to read about 3 instances of going the extra mile:

1. Gen 24:14-27 Rebecca went the extra mile to make the 450 mile journey by Abraham's servant worthwhile.

2. Mark 2:1-12 4 men went the extra mile for a paralysed man.

3. Luke 24:18-35 Going the extra mile led two men to dine with risen Jesus.

In all these instances there is something that is obvious.

In the 1st example, Abraham's servant was on a journey and Rebecca was on a journey though shorter. In the 2nd example Jesus journeyed to Capernaum and the four men journeyed to meet him. In the 3rd example two men were on a journey to a village called Emmaus, Jesus who was also on a journey met them. Friends you can NEVER go the extra mile while standing aimlessly. You may not be able to soar, you may not be able to fly just yet, but make sure you are moving and your movement MUST be purposeful. None of these people set out on a journey to an unspecified location or for an unspecified purpose. Purpose was their motivation for going the extra mile. What was the purpose of Abraham's servant? Rebecca? The four men?

What purpose motivates you to go the extra mile in your friendship or relationship?

You can either be internally motivated or externally motivated but you must find a reason to go the extra mile in life otherwise it is just the beginning of the end for you. When you motivate yourself and make decisions based on your personal reflection to actively improve your performance; when you find a reason to believe in you and in your ability to make a difference; when you strive for your 'personal best', you are on course to determine your success. This is internal motivation. Internal motivation is the doing my best and deriving joy from counseling people, bringing smiles to faces and impacting lives. External motivation for me to achieve a Pass in Math was the fact that I wanted to go to the university. External motivation is caring for the man of my dreams because failure to do so may cost me heartbreak. We are motivated by internal and external reward to go the extra mile.

As you strive to go the extra mile don't expect it to be easy. When you plan to fast is when you are hungry the most or that is when a stingy person decides to offer you steaming cup of chocolate with sausages or hot abula with choice abodi, shaki and ogufe. There would be internal and external distractions; your thoughts, your friends, your parents, losing your job, getting a “no” to a woman you proposed to etc.

The four men should have been discouraged by the crowd, Abraham's servant should have been discouraged by having to travel 450 miles when there are readily available women around him, the two men should have become upset by Jesus seeming ignorance about the recent happening... but their determination to go the extra mile paid off.

A number of people drop the Nigerian culture of respect when they get abroad so it is not unusual to find our Nigerians calling professors old enough to be their fathers by their first names. But I made it clear that my culture does not permit it. Some funds came into my department and the new director didn't know how to disburse it so he asked the former director and guess what he said, "Let's give it to Omolola, she is very respectful! I got free unsolicited money for just going the extra mile; doing what I could have held back from doing. The habit of going the extra mile brings you to the favourable attention of those who can and often will provide opportunities for self-advancement.

What is the important principle of success in all walks of life and in all occupations?

This is the willingness to Go The Extra Mile; which means the rendering of more and better service than that for which one is paid or rewarded, and giving it in a positive pleasing mental attitude. Very important! So if you choose to help a man because you expect him to notice you or fall in love; that is not a right motive. The story of Ruth tells us how Boaz went the extra mile. The mental attitude and motive must be right.

Let me share my story.

Even though Bola had shown no commendable interest in having a relationship, I decided to go the extra mile. When we met, he was depressed from being out of job and was letting himself go but instead of being concerned about what he couldn't offer me, I encouraged him, got him to exercise and helped him put things together in his apartment. Months later I asked what nailed it for him, he said the fact that I went the extra mile. Verily it pays to go the extra mile, for every time an individual does so he places someone else under obligation to him or her. No one is compelled to follow the habit of going the extra mile, and seldom is anyone ever requested to render more service than that for which he is paid or rewarded except of course in reference to parents. Therefore, if the habit is followed it must be adopted on one's own initiative which is propelled by a motive.

Another story

You may have read online the story of a clerk who went the extra mile help to woman in the store where he worked. He discovered later that the woman he helped was Andrew Carnegie's mother! Andrew Carnegie was a United States industrialist and philanthropist who endowed education and public libraries and research trusts (1835-1919). The young man was later sent to Scotland and he received an order for several hundred thousand dollars worth of household furnishings.

Interesting story. Carol Downes and many others also took their destinies in their own hands by going the extra mile. Their success stories are wrapped up in this one lone privilege of every human: the right of personal initiative through exercising the habit of going the extra mile.

People do things or refrain from doing them because of a motive.

The soundest of motives for cultivating the habit of going the extra mile is the fact that it yields enduring dividends / profits in ways too numerous to mention, to all who follow the habit. We know the rules by which success is attained. Let us adopt these rules and use them intelligently to acquire success and personal benefits which would have a ripple effect of adding to the quality of citizenry and wealth of the nation as well.

Should you encounter weariness as you go the extra mile

Remember the words of this poem titled Footprints which ends this way:

"Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way

But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,

There is only one set of footprints.

I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied:

"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Prayer Points:

1. Lord thank you for all those who have gone, go and will go the extra mile for me

2. Lord help me to go the extra mile where I need to

3. Lord make my going the extra mile count

4. Lord as I run the Christian race, send me divine helpers and divinely connect me

DC's Healing Hearts

It was another glorious Divine Connection (DC) event as mature spinsters and bachelors gathered for "Healing Hearts".

Members of the Organising Committee were on hand at 8:15am to pray and commit the event into God's able hands and ensure that everything was ready for the guests. Our registration table staff were ready when the first guest arrived. Guests were required to sign in with their details and pick conference materials which included the programme, newsletters and our life changing book - What is wrong with us? Nuggets about mature singles.

In matters of the heart, it is unfortunate that most believers, who should know about time and season, turn up late. As such the programme which was scheduled to start at 9am began at 10am. We had to apologise to the Guest Speaker who was already sitted; of course she put the time to great use by acquainting herself with the environment and praying.

Due to the lateness in starting we couldn't follow the order of the programme and ended up skipping two items (Living Single and Resource Management). But, we made it up to those that arrived early and went the extra mile by giving gifts. The first male and female to arrive received our book - What is wrong with us? Nuggets about mature singles and travel mugs. The two Organising Committee members who posted the flier and information on Facebook got in addition to the book, bread and buscuit bins respectively and the two guests who attended based solely on their contact with the flier received stainless food flasks. At DC, we share knowledge, counsel and prayers to enrich lives.

The President of RCCG Throne of Grace Singles' Fellowship, Abel Adeniji, set the ball rolling with the opening prayer after which the Singles' Fellowship Choir led us in melodious high praise. The environment was saturated with grace.

The host of DC, Omolola Omoteso Famuyiwa, stepped forward to cause a stir in the audience as she went straight into the Gender Cross activity for the day. Two females and males were randomly selected and given a slip each. It turned out they were to role play as couples. The first male was to try and get a date from the female while she was to play hard to get. The second female was to try and get her male acquaintance to attend a family event while he was to play uninterested. It was obvious to all that "toasting" or "chiking" is never as easy as it seems especially because often times folks trying to get a date meet as strangers.

The first couple had a lot of goofs while the second couple proved that it is possible for a lady to initiate friendship even with a seemingly uninterested male. In all, it was a learning experience and the exciting applause commended it as such.

Thereafter, the Singles' Fellowship Choir took to the stage for their special song. The rendition turned out to be another high praise as the audience couldn't remain seated.

There was musical interlude during which guests were encouraged to meet and greet. O'boy! It wasn't as easy as we expected. Instead of gravitating towards opposite sex, males were meeting males and females were meeting females. The DC host used this opportunity to create an interactive session were some guests were called out to talk about guests of the opposite gender they have met. These made more guests warm up to folks of the opposite gender to interact. If we must enter into straight monogamous relationships, interaction with the opposite sex is just the starting point.

"Alone in the Crowd" is the title of the drama ministration by The Nehemiah Company, the drama group of RCCG Throne of Grace, led by Lekan Olorunkunle. It is the story of a woman who grew up with bitterness because as a girl she returned home from running errand for her rich dad one day to find her entire family wiped out by armed robbers' bullets. She survived by turning into the streets, accepting the offer of prostitution and other ills. She soon became pregnant and decided to end it all via suicide. The timely intervention of a friend who connected her divinely via a DC flier saved her perilous life. Attending the DC event gave her hope as members of DC showed her love and care beyond human understanding. They pointed her to the  God who saves and heals. Whao! The ministration hit a chord and set the tone for the rest of the programme.

Before Pastor Grace Okonrende, the Resident Pastor of RCCG Pavillion of Redemption, Texas-USA was called to the podium, there was a solemn moment during which guests took in the drama ministration while they listened to The Prayer Song by Celine Dion and Josh Groban. The lyrics of the song spoke to some guests as others wondered what was coming next during the interlude which took about 5 minutes. Ms. Famuyiwa took to the podium thereafter and asked what guests have been doing with the wait period in their lives. She explained that the wait period in our lives is not scheduled by God to make us waste away or wait aimlessly. We are expected to plan and utilise our wait periods prayerfully so these wait periods can actually become spring boards to purposeful living and divine connections.

The environment fully spiritually charged, Pastor Grace Okonrende's was invited to minister on the theme - Healing Hearts. Before she commenced, she invited Pastor Dele to minister in songs. Her ministration was soul lifting.  Pastor Grace thereafter spoke about why singles' hurt, and how they can find healing. She used examples from the Bible and drew scenarious from her previous ministrations. Her approach was simple, understandable and inspiring.

After her ministration, many joined in the prayer of proclamation, others came out for the altar call; some wept, some hung over but as God's healing hands touched them via the anointing of the minister, they returned to their seats cheerful.

The healing, interaction, networking and transforming event ended with participants singing the theme song "Let There Be Love Shared Amongst Us" after which we had the closing prayer and shared the benediction.

  

But of course it didn't end there! We had a lot to eat and drink - yummy cup cakes, delicious meatpies and choice drinks to go with it. This went on as more and more guests warmed up to each other for the purpose of purposeful networking.

The Guest Minister continued to minister to participants one-on-one and gave access to those who wish to have further ministration by sharing her contact details through the DC Host. From attendign to the calls and scheduling appointments; I can tell you that many guests took advantage of the access to this woman of God who always go the extra mile in her ministration. Some guests met with her at her RCCG Camp residence for deliverance an counselling sessions.

It was indeed a great event. I definitely look forward already to next years event. To know more about DC, contact the DC host or visit our DC Facebook Group page. We minister to mature singles and connect them to purpose and partner. As we say, we connect singles, but God connect hearts.

Children Can Teach...

How many days a week do you feel like life is just too complicated? Even if it isn't, it doesn't take us long to make things complicated. Human beings just have this innate ability to ramp up everything to the next level.

I once tried to plan a simple barbecue party...I was going to invite two couples from church, grill hot dogs and hamburgers, and just sit around and fellowship. Sounds good, right? Well, in one week I managed to turn two couples into 20, buy expensive steaks I couldn't afford and drive my family crazy with a list of chores I was convinced we just had to do before company came over.

Frankly, I just wanted to impress people. And because of it, I had a miserable week—and I made my family miserable too.

What's the simple solution to all of this? I believe the answer is in Luke 18:17: Whoever does not accept and receive and welcome the kingdom of God like a little child [does] shall not in any way enter it [at all].

Did you notice it says little? As children get older, even they begin to have the ability to complicate things. But when they're really little, there's just none of that.

Little children aren't complicated. They don't live their life trying to impress anyone. And they can teach us a lot about how to enjoy life. Simply observe them during play time.

Lesson 1: Let Things Go

“ Multitasking may be popular, but the Bible tells us to give our mind to what we are doing. ”

One thing about children is they are extremely forgiving. One minute they can be fighting over a toy and the next minute they're hugging.

I can tell you that hating people is complicated and it's hard work. You can carry a grudge and be bitter, resentful, mad and offended. And every time you see "that person" you can cringe inside and you can talk about them behind their back—or you can spare yourself the trouble.

Listen, don't waste the rest of your life sulking about some unfair thing that happened to you. Get yourself off your mind…and simplify.

Lesson 2: Be a Dreamer

Another thing children do that makes their lives simple is that they so easily believe. They believe in magic and fairytales. They have no problem coming up with imaginary playmates or imagining life to be amazing and fantastic.

There's a book by John Ortberg called God Is Closer Than You Think. And in it, he writes about a little girl who said she knew Jesus was living in her heart because when she put her hand to her chest, she could feel Him walking around.

Now, we adults know she was just feeling her heartbeat. But that little childlike spirit felt God inside her! And when you think about it, she was right because a beating heart is a sign that life is in you.

As adults, we need to move into the supernatural realm and start dreaming again. We need to create joy in our own lives. It's a right and privilege we have as children of God, but it's a decision we must choose to make.

Lesson 3: Pick Up Your Toys

Some of us can simplify our lives very easily, even without using our imaginations.

For one thing, we can go home and clean up our rooms. Keep the stuff you use and keep the stuff you love. But give away what you're holding on to for someday because odds are when you need it, you won't remember where you put it.

Lesson 4: Focus Your Attention

Another way you can simplify your life is to practice doing one thing at a time. Multitasking may be popular, but the Bible tells us to give our mind to what we are doing (see Ecclesiastes 5:1).

Lesson 5: Ask Your Father

Finally, you can simplify your life just by trusting that God loves you and hears your prayers. Philippians 4:6 says, Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God (NIV).

If you want something, ask Him for it. If it's right, He'll give it to you. If it's not, just know He has something better for you in mind.

It really is that simple! I encourage you to stop questioning God with your mind, and start trusting Him with your heart.

Be a little more childlike in your approach to life. Who knows…you may just feel Jesus walking around in your heart.

This article by Joyce Meyer's is taken from her four-part audio series Happy to Be Me.

15 Relationship Questions by Christians

Is virginity still a virtue?

Yes. It also keeps you psychologically balanced and somewhat immune to hurt. But don't deceive yourself that you are waiting for anyone. The man would most likely not be a virgin. Waiting too long have negative effects.

Is female virginity over-rated?

Somewhat. A woman is told to keep her price for the man who most likely has many conquests in exchange.

Is masturbation or wet dreams a sin?

Masturbation is self pleasuring. Wet dream is secretion from sexual fantasies. Our bodies are wired to react to stimulation or fantasies. The part we may have to figure out individually is the issue of committing sexual sin in our minds especially because to masturbate, one draws up an image to fantasise about. The Bible condemns mental lust but both the married and unmarried are guilty. Also there may be damaging implications in marriage for those who become addicted to self pleasuring as singles.

Is polygamy wrong?

Rachael was Jacob's first love but she married into polygamy. Hannah married into polygamy. Mary may have married into polygamy. A bishop, pastor, deacon is not expected to marry more than one wife. David, a man after God's heart was polygamous so was Solomon. Isaac may have been the only patriarch who had one wife and lived with her till death. Nigerian Law recognises one wife but customary law permits more. Monogamy is the ideal as we saw in Eden but war, poverty, corruption have left the world with more marriage types. If all Christian men and all Christian women choose to get married today, the ratio if they must all be married will not be 1:1.

Should marriage be redefined?

Yes. More marriages are ending in divorce and many more or living separately. The slogan at the altar was, "For better, for worse... to live together till death do us part." The contract in my opinion is broken once the man or women decide to live apart (or abroad) where it is humanly possible for them to be together i.e. non war or non life threatening situation.

Why am I still single?

Because you haven't said yes to someone or asked someone into marriage. There is always someone who wants you as a wife or husband; it now depends on whether you feel that way.

Is there shortage of eligible men or women?

No. Eligibility is relative; as defined by you. Yet, someone that fits your profile is available somewhere, some place. You only need to find her/him somehow. I tried prayer and networking and I can confirm both works.

Are single mothers/fathers necessarily the product of earlier waywardness?

Becoming a single mother or father takes just one sexual experience. Some of them were raped and few become so bitter that it became their last sexual experience. The really wayward folks know about contraception and may have used the option of abortion.

Can career and marriage be successfully managed?

Yes. Examples abound even around you. It is a choice you must make but it helps to have the support of your spouse.

Do I have to give up my individuality in marriage?

Not really. Yet you have to be a team player. Amos 3:3

Is it wrong to ask a man out on a date?

In the African context it is regarded as wrong but Biblically it is not. Asking a man out on a date is merely an offer of friendship not a plea for marriage.

How can I cope with discrimination occasioned by singleness?

As long as people have different cultures, backgrounds and beliefs, there would be discrimination. Learn to be strong and learn to believe in you especially in the fact that being single does not make you less human or capable than the married.

How can I position myself for "opportunities:" (relationship, friendship...)

Just as you learn skills to get the right job, you need to learn some skills especially communication and relational skills. You must be personable and tolerant. The Bible says he that must be a friend must show himself friendly. You also need to be prayerful; God's will remain the best ingredient for a successful relationship.

Is it wrong to desire a rich mate?

Ask and you shall be given. Be sure that you desire a rich mate for the right reasons and don't miss out on the right person because your desire is closed ended. Someone may appear rich only for you to find out such a person is a prodigal son. Yet someone may start out plain yet have skills that will number him among the Bill Gates of this world.

What are the essential qualities for a Godly relationship

Godly Character, Effective Communication, Cultural Tolerance, Career and Commitment to making it work.

Do you disagree with our response, feel free to share.

Do you have questions not listed here? Feel free to ask?

Article Source. Read other articles by the author at OU Journal.