WHY MARRIAGES FAIL

WHY MARRIAGES FAIL - The 5 D's

1. DISOBEDIENCE - to God.

Genesis 2:24 says leave and cleave. When we don't obey - parents still controlling, refusing to forgive, refusing to love as Christ loved - the foundation cracks. This is not just disobeying your spouse, it is disobeying God's design. God said leave, cleave, become one flesh, love as Christ, submit as unto the Lord, forgive 70x7. When we choose culture over scripture, family idol over spouse, ego over instruction, we build on sand. Every disobedience opens a door. Example: A man who will not leave his mother's control cannot cleave to his wife. A wife who will not forgive keeps a record that becomes bitterness.

2. DECEPTION - to each other.

Lies, hidden money, hidden phone, half-truths. Marriage cannot survive where truth is not safe, Colossians 3:9..Marriage thrives on truth. Deception is not only big lies like adultery. It is small hidden things - hidden debt, hidden phone password, hidden resentment, pretending to be fine. Once one lie is covered, you need another to cover it. The intimacy dies because intimacy requires to be fully known. Where there is deception, there is suspicion. And suspicion is the death of rest.

3. DISRESPECT - for the covenant.

Husband stops loving sacrificially, wife stops respecting. When Ephesians 5:33 breaks, contempt enters. Ephesians 5:33 gives the two charges - husband love, wife respect. When a husband uses harsh words, neglects, does not provide or protect, he dishonours his own body. When a wife uses contempt, public shaming, comparison, silent treatment, she dishonours her own head. Dishonour makes the home unsafe. People don't stay where they are not honoured. Contempt is the highest predictor of divorce - eye-rolling, mockery, "you are useless."

4. DEFILEMENT - of the bed.

Adultery, porn, lust. Once purity is broken, trust is broken.

Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage is honourable... but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Defilement is bringing a third party into a covenant of two. It can be a person through adultery, or an image through porn, or fantasy through emotional affairs. Once the bed is defiled, trust is shattered. The mind that should be pure towards one becomes divided. Defilement also invites spirits - lust, guilt, lying - that further destroy. Many marriages are physically together but sexually defiled in private

5. DISCONNECTION - from one another.

No more talking, praying, intimacy. No big blow-up, just slow drift - until you become roommates instead of soulmates. This is the silent killer. No fight, no affair, just drift. You stop talking beyond logistics - "have you paid school fees?" You stop praying together. You stop touching non-sexually. You stop laughing. Two people living parallel lives, scrolling separate phones in the same bed. The marriage does not explode, it starves to death. Disconnection is why many say "we just fell out of love." Love did not fall, you stopped feeding it.

Disobedience starts it, Deception feeds it, Disrespect normalises it, Defilement breaks it, Disconnection buries it. Disobedience removes the foundation, Deception removes the truth, Disrespect removes the safety, Defilement removes the purity, Disconnection removes the life.

Dr. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's words for the healing of others.

FIFI GBIGBO SE ALAIGBO

THEME: FIFI GBIGBO SE ALAIGBO - When Hearing Falls Short of Harkening

"Be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves." - James 1:22

Beloved Brethren,

I have noticed something in our midst with love, not judgment. When it is a birthday or a new birth, many respond. Why? 

One person greets, another follows, the line becomes easy to join. 

But when it is about the work of the group - breaking into chapters, instructions for growth, assignments, request for feedback or follow through - only one or two respond. Even some chapter leaders come privately to ask what was already written. It shows a quiet struggle.

The Holy Spirit opened my eyes: The issue is not rebellion. The issue is many are NOT reading.  The truth is many who respond following a post about birthday or birth never read the original post; they just joined those celebrating.

The crisis is this, when we do not read directly, we cannot heed diligently.

1. The Difference Between Gbo (To Hear) and Gba (To Receive)

In Yoruba, we say ma fi gbigbo se alaigbo - never hear but silence or ignore what is heard, never pretend you never heard because us you do, there is no action. But heaven counts hearing only when it produces heeding, Divinity counts listening when it produces learning.

Jesus said in Luke 8:18 - "Take heed therefore how ye hear."

There are three levels:

Gbo - to hear
Gba - to receive and understand
Se - to do

Many stop at Gbo. God waits for Se.

2. Low Reading Produces Low Response, and Low Response Produces Low Growth

If we do not read the message or instruction, we cannot respond to it appropriately. If we do not respond, the house cannot be built well together.

It is not that people do not love the house. It is that the habit of reading has become small. And when reading is small, participation is small, and discernment becomes small.

The Israelites heard Moses, but Psalm 95:8 says "Harden not your heart." Why? Because hearing without doing hardens the heart slowly.

3. Silent Disobedience - The Quiet Disconnect

This is not loud rebellion. It is silent resistance.

Instructions are posted. We see the notification. We scroll past. We intend to read later. Later never comes. The leader ask again, but we already missed the moment of obedience.

Jesus called this out in Matthew 13:15 - "For this people's heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing." Not deaf, just dull. Hearing but not hearkening.

Silent disobedience does not shout "I will not do." It just does nothing.

4. How This Affects Our Discernment and Walk with the Holy Spirit

This is the most important part.

The Holy Spirit speaks in a still small voice - 1 Kings 19:12. If we train ourselves to ignore clear written instructions from human that we can see, how will we catch the small whisper of the Holy Spirit whom we cannot see?

Jesus said in John 14:26 - "The Holy Ghost... shall bring all things to your remembrance." He can only bring to remembrance what we first took time to read and receive.

If reading is low:
Discernment becomes weak, because we missed the practice of paying attention.
Relationship becomes distant, because relationship is built on listening and responding.
Instructions from heaven begin to look like just another message to scroll past.

Intimacy with the Holy Spirit becomes strained because it is built on obedience.

Our Gentle Counsel Moving Forward - No Guilt, Just Growth

1. Read before you react. 

Let us make a covenant: when an official message is posted, pause and read fully before any other chat. Proverbs 18:13 says to answer before hearing is folly.

2. From hearing to hearkening. 

After reading, ask: "What is required of me? Which chapter? What date? What action?" Write it down.

3. Respond as a form of honour. 

A simple "Seen, I will join Group 1" is not for me, it is honour for the body. It helps your chapter leader not to labour twice.

4. Leaders, let us model. 

If we as leaders read and respond quickly, the house will follow. Let us not be the ones asking privately for what was already written publicly.

5. If you prefer NOT to read.

If you choose bot to read or have read and need clarity, reach a fellow member or minister first. This leads the person first to go and read, if yet to read. Please honour those who took time to write and post in detail by not asking them to re-explain what is already written. Let us help one another to catch up.

Brethren, I love you. This is not to shame anyone. The Holy Spirit is not condemning us - Romans 8:1 says there is now no condemnation. He is inviting us to a deeper attention and by implication deeper affection and intimacy.

May we not be hearers who behave as if we did not hear. May we be those of whom God says in Luke 11:28 - "Blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it."

Let our hearing become hearkening, and our hearkening become heeding.

Amen.

Dr. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's words for the healing of others.