HONOUR: BURDEN or NECESSITY

This is a response to “Pastor Chris on Marriage” featured on YouTube in 2014. This video was culled from a full length message by Pastor Chris Oyakhilome of Christ Embassy.

Whao! Wow! Whao!

I am shocked that the heresy preached by Pastor Chris got accolades! It is a pointer to how humans have fallen.

Marie-Laure Quayson:

God bless you RICHLY! It is challenging to speak the truth when millions endorse heresy. I rarely listen to Pastor Chris but admire the excellence I see in his church and some of his ministers. I was drawn to this particular message after listening to Pastor EA Adeboye’s message of April 26, 2020. I strongly believe God wanted me to serve as a vessel to set many free.

What I was hearing as I listened to Pastor Chris baffled me. As I listened, I was led to read comments. I was already giving up when I saw yours; Marie-Laure Quayson. I must confess it inspired me to go the extra mile. Rather than just say a prayer, I am led to do an exegesis. I hold a doctorate in Biblical Counselling. Hopefully someone who really need the TRUTH will get to ours and others pointing in the right direction.

Let me start by saying that when two people marry, no matter how religious or full of faith they are, if they are not in total submission to the will of God, the marriage has 100% chance of hitting the rock.

I will never gloat over breakdown of the marriage of believers because it takes two and the two must align with God’s will or one person would agree to let another have his or her will always. This happens often until the woman [or man] says, no more! Disagreeing in marriages goes beyond algorithms or feelings, telling you you are compatible. 

I recollect that I wanted to have a separate room and negotiated this with my “groom”. I was so independent that I wanted to retain that even in marriage but my husband lovingly told me, “That won’t be marriage.” His response was not enough so I went to God and God said, it’s time to trust someone enough to open up. That settled it. Christians must always learn to return to God. It is sad to see many Christian homes scattered, shattered or tattered because each wants there own will, yet in granting us eternal life Jesus as human said, “Not my will, but thine be done.” Why then has satan taken us over!

What a wonderful match Pastor Chris and Pastor Anita were! Where did they miss it? We all must pray for Christian leaders so that they can stand firmly on the unshakable ROCK OF AGES. 

The message by Pastor Chris was in August 2014, going by the date on the video. Pastor Anita, his former wife has been in the UK since 2013. I know this because Pastor Anita said this during her mother’s 70th Birthday in 2015...

So I leave you to ask, was Pastor Chris’ message inspired by God? Was the sermon directed by God? Or was the sermon self motivated as a response to the crack in his marriage; his wife leaving home.

The kind of heresy he preached is why there is spousal rape, incest, battery, widow abuse and worse, fraud on women especially wives and widows, to keep them subservient or enslaved!

To start with, if husbands are masters, should they be sleeping with their helpers?! If husbands are bosses, should they be carnally minded towards their servants?!

The Bible called husband and wife JOINT HEIRS.

The Greek word for husband is aner which simply means man. In some contexts aner means "husband." Some other occurrences clearly have the meaning "male human being." 

Many instances where aner refers to a male human being will not serve as conclusive evidence, because a word meaning "person" could also be used in such contexts. The maleness or status of the person in question would then be inferred from the information in the context, but would not necessarily be contained in the word itself. 

The word husband (aner) denotes, in general, "a man, an adult male" (in contrast to anthropos, which generically denotes "a human being, male or female"); it is used of man in various relations, the context decides the meaning.

The root word for husband in Hebrew, has multiple meanings including spouse, partner, mate, lord, master, steward, resource keeper (husbandman). The traditional and most commonly used word for husband in Hebrew is “ba'al” (בעל), which literally translates as master. But ba’al was also used for gods in the Bible so this would be inappropriate in a negative sense but appropriate in a positive sense since Psalm 82:6 indicates, “Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High.”

In Old English, husband meant, ‘male head of a household’ and ‘manager, steward’. In Old Norse húsbóndi means ‘master of a house’ - hús ‘house’ + bóndi ‘occupier and tiller of the soil’. The original sense of the verb was ‘till, cultivate”.

I would think this is where Pastor Chris got his translation from, not master BUT MASTER OF THE HOUSE. In which case the woman would be the mistress of the house, not a servant!

Husband is the male partner in a marriage. In British English, it also means the manager of another's property: STEWARD. If Adam as husband was managing any property at all, it was things created ahead of the woman who was drawn out from him - animals, plants etc. 

Men are always quick to PREACH SUBMIT but I am shocked that they seldom preach 1 Peter 3:7 where the word HONOUR was used. 

Honour is a higher kind of submission, a higher kind of respect, a greater esteem, respect with INTEGRITY. The same Bible that says submit, ORDERS that husbands, “the tiller of the ground” and “cultivator of the farmland”, should GIVE HONOUR UNTO THE WIFE. 

Unlike when women were asked to submit, the ORDER to men came with a clear clause, “as being heirs together of the grace of life”. It then came with a caveat, “that your prayers be not hindered.” Meaning, IF AS HUSBAND YOU REFUSE TO HONOUR YOUR WIFE, YOUR PRAYERS WOULD BE HINDERED!

Some destinies have been corrupted because foolish men refuse to read their BIBLES, rather they let a mortal misdirect their home affairs.

If you have problem with HONOURING YOUR WIFE, marriage is NOT for you because if you marry and dishonour her, your prayers would be an abomination to God. 

Let me leave those who care enough to read with a warning, on judgement day, I will stand on my own merit by grace, you will stand, Pastor Chris and every other mortal will stand, at different times based on when God calls us away from here. You don’t ever want to say to God, “But Chris was the one who said my wife was wrong not to listen to me! So I disciplined her!”

If you need further counsel, be sure to send a message via Divine Connection: dc-homes.webs.com/book-counsel

Finally, let me share a word of prayer with you. Then, find time to meditate on the BIBLE verses below. I trust that God will flash His light into dark areas in the foundation of your marriage in Jesus Mighty Name:

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank you for the salvation of my soul. Thank you for creating me in your image. Thank you for loving me. 

Guide me to a woman/man of your choice. Help me to love her/him as my very self. Help me to honour her/him so that my prayers for success, prosperity, good health, fulfilment and bliss would be answered by YOU. In return, let me enjoy your mercies, her/his respect and celebration.

In Jesus name I pray.

AMEN.

1 Peter 3:7 - Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [them] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Colossians 3:19 - Husbands, love [your] wives, and be not bitter against them.

Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it

James 5:16 - Confess [your] faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.

Ephesians 5:28 - So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Now to the image above...

Should submission be a topic in 2020?! Did the Bible that ask wives to respect not ask men to honour wives in 1 Peter 3:7 and added a curse-like clause of no answer to prayer where not done?! What is HONOUR? Why is the topic not framed as HONOUR: BURDEN or NECESSITY? I did just that!

A man who asked you to marry him, have a right to ask another woman to marry him. Women who accept to marry a man have the legal right to accept that offer from another man too. The moral dilemma is what you do when you make that decision. If when you asked her to marry you you promised it would be only her, you need to let her know you have changed your mind.

You need to either release the first or bring both into a joint union. A marital union is fuelled by responsibility.

Some religion allow and authenticate marrying more women. Society allows it. Law permits it. Subtly. You are not asked not to marry another human but not to marry another human under the same law. There are women who have more than one husband. God let humans use their will...

A man who asked you to marry him, have a right to ask another woman to marry him. Woman who ask you to marry her have a right to accept offer from another man. The moral dilemma is what you do with that decision. You need to either release the first or bring both into joint union. The party who is not in agreement would have the liberty to sign out.

Why would man or woman change mind about agreement year(s) after? Humans have will. This is why in the face of covid some can damn the consequence of decision not to believe God exist. A marital union is fuelled by commitment, responsibility, reward, not by love. Love is fickle.

Across the Bible, adultery is not condemned. Specifically, God noted that those who elect to serve as “Overseer” meaning Pastors, Bishops or Elders.

Don’t get me wrong, God’s ideal is monogamy. But monogamy was truncated by humans when Eve shirked her responsibility to God and Adam shirked his responsibility to his wife. We signed off that ideal Garden of Eden setting. 

Many men do not look for other women because they are hungry for sex. As high as their libido may be, they do so in search of something missing. Women too. Often it has a lot to do with communication and unity of purpose than libido. Those driven by libido would rather pay for sex than have to throw in commitment. When a man or woman is committed to someone else outside the home, it is because something is missing. It will take an inquiry to figure out whether what is missing is abstract or cogent or whether it is permanent or temporary. 

This is why divorce exist. Again this is not God’s ideal. But when an agreement between two parties or three no longer work, the aggrieved party may leave conditionally or unconditionally. If I choose to leave a man, I would want him to prove that he deserves me, not created public uproar about an agreement we both may have deviated from my not being proactive or responsive to the commitment, responsibility and reward clause embedded in the agreement.

Let us delve into 1 Peter 3:7...

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Weaker for me has come to mean delicate because I know that the strength of a woman is anything but weak.

Men must understand that God is not requiring debasement of women. When I joined my husband in USA he said to me, “This is America, the culture here is that we share chores”. I said to him as I walked into his warm embrace. “I'm Nigerian and much younger so I'll gladly do it but there is no harm in you helping.”

Till he passed, he elected to cook with me, we enjoyed baking together. He had no problem with doing dishes. He elected to clean the Walk in shower in the master bedroom as well as clean the 6-burner cooker every now and then. On my part, I gladly added his laundry to my chores. Mind you before I got married, I had an inner vow against washing clothes for men but it became my joy to do it because he honoured me.

Yes women be humble but men honour your women; women are able assistants, honourable helpers not dumb house-helps.

Marriage is a three way contract:

1. Contract: Request/Acceptance in the presence of one witness with or without public ceremony.

2. Consummation (Contract Endorsement)

3. Commitment (Continuous Responsibility, Responsiveness and Reward)

It is similar for salvation. Many accept Jesus Christ but do not sign into the faith. Once you do not sign up, you are not a Christian. Following signing up for a life guided by Jesus, there is a third part - commitment and contribution.

You honour the faith by ensuring you can be held accountable. Sadly many daringly abuse wives, widows or orphans, forgetting that the only religion God accepts is the care of the vulnerable. James 1:27.

Honour is a necessity for every man or woman who desires to uphold the MARRIAGE ACT. Never expect honour when you refrain from sowing HONOUR. Honour reaps HONOUR.

A woman [or man] you honour will celebrate you and bring out the best in you. And finally honouring your woman comes with a clause, "that your prayers be answered!"

Honour is a NECESSITY for marriage to live and thrive.

Dr. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's words for the healing of others.