MARRIAGE IS NOT AN ESCAPE ROUTE by Tolu Osho

In our present day world, there are loads of people; men and ladies who so desperately want to be married. 

For single Christians, while we are waiting for this to happen, we shouldn’t allow our lives to be on pause or oscillate like a pendulum. All we do should not just revolve around the desire to get married. We shouldn’t look at marriage as an avenue for someone to come into our lives and turn it around or fix it. Our lives should be fixed before marriage

True talk that hope deferred makes the heart sick. Nowadays, I even hear different analysis like once you are in your mid thirties, it becomes more difficult for single men to marry ladies; that men prefer younger girls in their twenties, they are scared of mature women in their thirties and a whole lot of unfound speculations.

For some of us, it may seem that the older we get, the farther away the right person seems to move. No denying it, this long wait can result in anxiety and can cause one to be on the verge of depression or fall into depression proper.

The truth is, no matter what we go through as Christians, we shouldn't let our joy depend on our marital status or circumstances surrounding us.

Marriage is sweet, honourable and desirable, but we aren’t supposed to have the mindset that marriage is the way to happiness. To think that marriage is what will make you happy is to misplace your expectations. We are solely responsible for our joy and happiness.

If as a person, your attitude is messed up (you can't find and own your joy) marriage won't fix you; it will just complicate the existing mess, because you can't give your partner what you don't have.

Let's take our time of waiting to make ourselves happy and develop ourselves. When you love every bit of you, that is when someone else can appreciate and love you.

Marriage is like building a house. You need to carry tools, dig, get your hands dirty in the process of putting the structure in place, a block on top of the other, one day at a time. At the end of the day, it's either you build a good or a bad house.

So, an unhappy person expecting to be happy in marriage will be overwhelmed when he/she sees that there's work to be done to build a good house i.e to enjoy marriage. Your lack of joy  mode cannot make you the right "good house" builder. 

As singles, before embarking on marriage or relationship, be a happy, fulfilled, independent Christian. Only then are you qualified to enjoy bliss in marriage. Make up your mind to be happy, have joy. Do not wait for your happiness to be hinged on someone else. 

Let's also bear in mind that marriage is not a solution to loneliness! Marriage doesn't guarantee an end to loneliness. Millions of married people are lonely too, still looking for a level of understanding and acceptance their spouse doesn't offer. 

Therefore, work on yourself and know that marriage is not a way out but a beginning of another journey that will have its ups and downs.

Ms. Tolu Osho is a member of Divine Connection.