Premarital Myths!

Many have lofty dreams and expectations about marriage. Unfortunately many of them are just what they are, dreams! Let's look at some of them:

1. Choice of mate is accidental

This is a myth because we actually attract what we desire. Our thoughts, beliefs, dressing is a pull factor that attracts or repel people from us. While God may actually have led you to the man or woman, making a decision to marry the person was by choice.

2. Marriage is an advanced care centre

This is a myth because marriage is neither a clinic nor a ward for the wounded! Those who seek healing from previous relationships, bad experiences, unfortunate family settings need to seek and find healing before they enter into marriage. Emotional maturity is an essential ingredient in marriage.

3. My mate will love me regardless because love is unconditional

This is a myth because ONLY God's love appears unconditional but even that has conditions. See Deuteronomy 28! There are always unwritten codes in human love. It was for a reason he decided to marry you and vice versa. A man who today is in the upper echelon of a Christian movement had as one of his reasons for divorcing his wife, "She added weight". A man I counselled said to me, "I wanted just one child, she wanted 2 and I compromised, now she has 3 and wants more because she wants a son!"Guess who fathered the children? Him! Many would leave mates who draw unto perdition, many would bid farewell to mates who enter into depression or addiction. Whether the reason is spiritual or physical, be prepared to honour the reasons why you came together as man and wife.

4. Marriage is uneven and seldom work

This is a myth because God meant for marriage to be even and to work. But man and woman must recognise their individual strengths and weaknesses and honour the similarities and differences of either gender. The evenness of marriage lies largely in the beauty of recognising and blossoming within our role and calling. Not recognising and remaining in our role is why even those who side-step God's rule and come together to role play as woman and woman or man and man can't make it work.

5. Everybody should be married and in a monogamous relationship

This is a myth because neither marriage nor monogamy is an ingredient for heavenly visa. While marriage is encouraged not everyone will marry or have a desire to be married and those who are married should respect this choice and/or reality. Monogamy is the ideal but many Christians who give up on waiting on God would sign into polygamy and the man they sign up with may very well be a Christian. Many Christians today grew out of polygamous homes.

6. Anyone who is not married is a "youth"

This is a sad myth. Each time I visit churches and hear announcements or prayers related to singles, the word "youth" soon accompany it. Singlehood and youthhood does not go together, they are not synonymous! I once heard a deacon say, "As long as you are single, you are a girl!" That day the Holy Spirit ministered to me that his heart is not right. Some years down the line, he became a pastor (and I thought God must have worked on making his heart right) but today he has separated from his lovely wife. Marriage does not confer adulthood on everyone. While many desire to marry, not all will sign into marriage and not signing up would and does not make them less of an adult.

7. Marrying according to God's will will make you happy

This is a myth because God did not promise us a problem free life. Isaiah 43:2 say, "When thou passeth through the waters, I will be with thee." When not if. That a man or woman is God's will for you does not mean you won't have challenges, it only means God will always provide a way of escape. God fashioned Eve for Adam, yet not managing his relationship with her well created a grave consequence, yet their marriage survived because they held on to one another. Being happy is a choice that has responsibilities attached to it.

8. If we are Christians and we get married in church, we won't divorce 

This is a myth because marrying in church is not an adhesive that has the ability to hold you together. Remaining together requires faith in God, respect for the institution of marriage and of course respect and love for one another. While I would have loved to say that all the Christians I know have remained married, this unfortunately is not the case. Statistics show that there are more Christians getting divorced and I daresay this has more to do with the fantasy we have built around marriage. Marriage is between two people and staying married is the responsibility of both hearts that must focus on working to ensure their love valve continue to beat together as one.

9. Marriage is a cure for loneliness 

This is a myth because loneliness is not an acquired sickness that only the acquirer can cure! I know a woman who swallowed this myth but being married to a doctor who is married to his clinic made her regurgitate. I know a man who is married to a top business executive, she resides on the plane and orders beautiful flowers to be delivered to the man who is forced to learn a new kind of singleness that comes in marriage. If loneliness is killing you now, you may just become dead when that which lurks in marriage hits you.

10. Sexual satisfaction and children are immediate fringe benefits  

This is a spot-on myth. If you married as a virgin, you'd have to live with how your mate viewed what you spent your entire life saving for him/her. If you tasted the forbidden fruit ahead of the marital vows, you may find yourself comparing this sexual experience with previous. If you both are new to sex, thoughts of what you may be missing out may fill your mind subconsciously. And the children? Look around you, for some the cry of a child is heard in less than 9 months for others 34 months or as it was in the case of a man of God, 34 years! Be prepared to enjoy the beauty of finding someone whose life mission is to love you! That joy must transcend whether you see the person daily or have living fruits to show for the union.

What other myths are you aware of? Let's share and debunk them!!!