I Am A Good Thing

Participants with Dr. Omolola Omoteso at RCCGNA Region 6 Annual Women Summit, Chapel of Restoration, New York

Background

I am that I am is a common English translation of the Hebrew phrase אֶהְיֶה אֲשֶׁר אֶהְיֶה, ’ehyeh ’ăšer ’ehyeh ([ʔɛhˈjɛh ʔaˈʃɛr ʔɛhˈjɛh]) – also "I am who I am", "I am what I am" or "I will be what I will be" or "I create what(ever) I create". The traditional English translation within Judaism favours, "I will be what I will be" because there is no present tense of the verb "to be" in Hebrew language. To say, "I am a book" in Hebrew would be Ani Sefer (literally in English is "I book").

God designed us and defines us. 

Ice Breaker Enquiries

Who am I?

What is my purpose?

When will my purpose be fulfilled?

Why am I here?

Where am I going?

How will I get there?

When purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable

Proverbs 18:22 (KJV)

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. (KJV).

Luke 1:38  (KJV)

And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.

Breakdown

1. Me, Myself and I - The Almighty God, Our Father, is sufficient in and of Himself. His being God is not contingent upon our acceptance or testimonies (Psalm 82:6)

2. A – Single, function word before a singular noun. It is used when referring to someone or something for the first time in a text or conversation.

3. Good - To be desired or approved. Having the qualities required for a particular role. That which is morally right; righteousness.

4. Thing - An object or entity not precisely designated or capable of being designated. An inanimate object distinguished from a living being. A separate and distinct individual quality, fact, idea, or usually entity. INDIVIDUAL; “…not a living thing in sight.”

Proverbs 18:22 

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the LORD. (NKJV)

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. (KJV).

When you encounter “lord” in all lower case, it is reference to a human ruler.

When you encounter the first letter capitalised - Lord, it is because it begins a sentence or it is a reference to one of the three divine Persons of the Godhead (the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit) or to the entire Godhead.

When you see the term entirely capitalised - LORD - it will be in the Old Testament and is translating the Hebrew word for the name of God - YHWH, or Yahweh (Biblical Hebrew has no vowels, only consonant letters). The reason for this is that the Ten Commandments forbid anyone to misuse the name of Yahweh, without reverence:

“You shall not misuse the name of Yahweh your God, for Yahweh will not hold anyone who misuses his name guiltless.” (Exodus 20:7; Deuteronomy 5:11).

Proverbs 31:10 

“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.” 

Together these verses teach us that a virtuous (faithful and dependable) woman is really a blessing from the Lord that is more valuable than any earthly treasure. 

Proverbs 19:14 emphasise this same truth: 

“House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and A PRUDENT WIFE IS FROM THE LORD.”

It is vital to see the connection between “finding a virtuous wife” and “obtaining favour from the LORD.” If a Christian man has a strong desire to be married he MUST seek the Lord’s guidance to “find a wife.” Some look in the wrong places for a wife, only to settle for less than what the Lord purposed for him. 

Pray to be found 

When God instituted marriage He made the woman for the man. Genesis 2:21-22 says, “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man he made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.” Just as He brought Eve to Adam, He WILL bring you to his will if you allow Him to guide you in being found as a good wife.

Two important “principles” from God’s Word that helps to “narrow the search.” 

1. The first principle is found in 2 Corinthians 6:14 

“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” 

You MUST be a true believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. The prophet Amos warned of in Amos 3:3, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” A believer and an unbeliever will NOT agree on many things when it comes to honouring Jesus Christ. 

2. The other vital principle is found in 1 Corinthians 7:39 where Paul tells the widows, “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, ONLY IN THE LORD.” She must be a believer, AND be subject to the Lordship of Jesus Christ.”  Her desire should be to be guided by God’s word and to glorify the Lord Jesus in all that she does. 

If these two principles are followed, and the Lord guides you to that special and unique wo/man that was made just for you, you shall indeed “obtain favour from the Lord!”

EXPOSITION

Proverbs 18:22

Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour of the LORD.

Whoso findeth a wife - One who deserves the name of wife, as the one described in Proverbs 31:10. No one searches for what is worthless.

Findeth a good thing - A singular blessing; directed at the seeker and the sought.

And obtaineth favour of the Lord -  A man obtains favour of the Lord; not by his own wisdom, art, endeavours, wit, or diligence, but by God’s good providence toward him, which orders that and all other events as it pleases him. 

Whoso findeth a wife - A good natured woman, wise, prudent, careful, and industrious; a proper helpmeet, a virtuous woman, as in Proverbs 31:10; whoso seeks after such and finds one, especially one that has the grace of God, which he should seek after as God leads, and by prayer to God: findeth a good thing; that will be good for him, both upon a civil and spiritual account.

The LXX and Vulgate read at the end of this verse, “He that putteth away a good wife, putteth away a good thing; but he who retains an adulteress is foolish and wicked.”

Sirach or Ecclesiasticus, is found in the Catholic Bible and the Orthodox Bible. The Protestants excluded it because no Hebrew version was found and it was considered a product of Greek culture. It was included in the original King James Version. A Hebrew version was found in the Dead Sea Scrolls.

The Septuagint (from the Latin: septuāgintā literally "seventy"; often abbreviated as 70 in Roman numerals, i.e., LXX; sometimes called the Greek Old Testament) is the earliest extant Greek translation of the Hebrew scriptures. The Septuagint was the Greek translation of the Hebrew Old Testament and was in wide use by the time of the story of Jesus and Paul simply because most Jews could no longer read Hebrew. 

Genesis 2:18 (KJV)

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 

While the KJV translates the Hebrew phrase עזר כנגדו (ezer kenegedo) as "help meet for him," other translations provide additional translations including; "a helper fit for him" (RSV), "a helper as his partner" (NRS), "a helper comparable to him" (NKJ) and "an helper as his counterpart" (YLT). What exactly does this Hebrew phrase mean?

The first word in the phrase, עזר (ezer), is simple and means "helper." The second word, כנגדו (kenegedo) is more complex. The base word is the word נגד (neged), with the prefix כ (k) meaning "like," and the suffix ו (o) meaning "of him" of "his."

The word נגד (neged) comes from the verbal root word meaning "to be face to face." This verb is always used in the causative form where it would literally be translated as "to make to be face to face," and is always used to mean "to tell" in the sense of causing another to come face to face in order to tell them something.

The phrase עזר כנגדו (ezer kenegedo) literally means "a helper like his opposite." In my opinion this means that Eve was to be his "other half," like him, but with the opposite attributes. 

EXEGETICAL (ORIGINAL LANGUAGES)

Compare Proverbs 18:22 to Sirach 26:1-3:

“Happy is the husband of a good wife;
And the number of his days shall be twofold.
A brave woman rejoiceth her husband;
And he shall fulfil his years in peace.
A good wife is a good portion:
She shall be given in the portion of such as fear the Lord.”
Sirach 26:1-3.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing. A good wife is meant to be a virtuous, prudent helpmate, as in Proverbs 12:4; Proverbs 19:14; and Proverbs 31:10-31. The epithet is omitted, because the moralist is thinking of the ideal wife, the one whoso union is blessed, who alone deserves the holy name of wife. Thus in ver. 4 we had the ideal man spoken cf. Septuagint, εϋρε χάριτας," findeth graces," viz. peace, union, plenty, ruder. 

See a different view, Ecclesiastes 7:26-28:

"I find more bitter than death the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she will ensnare."

And obtaineth favour of the Lord (Proverbs 8:35; Proverbs 12:2); or, hath obtained (Proverbs 3:13), as shown by the consort whom God has given him. 

Ratson, “good will”, “favour”, is rendered by the Septuagint and by the Vulgate as “cheerfulness”, “joyousness” (Proverbs 19:12). Ecclus. 26:1, etc., "Blessed is the man that hath a good wife, for the number of his days shall be double. A virtuous (ἀνδρεία) woman rejoiceth her husband, and he shall fulfil the years of his life in peace. A good wife is a good portion which shall be given in the portion of them that fear the Lord." "A good wife," says the Talmud. "is a good gift; she shall be given to a man that feareth God." 

EXEGETING PROVERBS 18:22 

Let’s do an exegesis of Proverbs 18:22

Exegesis means exposition, explanation, especially an explanation or critical interpretation of a text. 

Have you been misreading the word – FIND?

When it comes to finding a wife, many use Proverbs 18:22 as proof or belief that they needed to exert effort to successfully find a woman worthy of marrying (and who saw them worthy of marrying).  

Many claim to be waiting but they are actually wasting (I've done a message on this). Mature singles need to learn how to wait on the LORD instead of taking matters into their own hands.

According to Hebrew’s lexicon, the word 'find' used in the Bible, is matsa' (transliterated), and carries a variety of meanings (based on the Hebrew tense Qal):

▪ to find, secure, acquire, get (thing sought)

▪ to meet, encounter

▪ to learn, devise

▪ to come upon, light upon

▪ to happen upon, meet, fall in with

▪ to befall

Find indicates a state or process of discovery. Many misinterpret “find” to mean “to actively seek after,” which is not what the verse indicated.  Had the writer meant whoever actively sought after a wife would find a good thing, he likely would have used the word “baqash” instead, which is translated, “to seek to find.”

One can find or discover or find something without actually looking for it (this is what “encounter” means). Things like marriage really are better left up to God to handle, especially when it pertains to something as life changing and important as marriage.  

Rather than exert energy looking for something of which you have no specification, or looking out for a random man to find you, it’s better to focus on renewing my faith in the LORD’s promises to give to those who ask of Him, and mentally prepare myself to be a good wife and friend to whoever God sees fit to bring into my life.  Beyond that there’s no use fretting over things that I ultimately have no control over.

Proverbs 18:22

Strong's Hebrew English Morphology 4672 [e] מָצָ֣א mā-ṣā [He who] finds V-Qal-Perf-3ms 802 [e] אִ֭שָּׁה ’iš-šāh a wife N-fs 4672 [e] מָ֣צָא mā-ṣā finds V-Qal-Perf-3ms 2896 [e] ט֑וֹב ṭō-wḇ; a good [thing] N-ms 6329 [e] וַיָּ֥פֶק way-yā-p̄eq and obtains Conj-w | V-Hifil-ConsecImperf-3ms 7522 [e] רָ֝צ֗וֹן rā-ṣō-wn, favor N-ms 3068 [e] מֵיְהוָֽה׃ Yah-weh. from Yahweh Prep-m | N-proper-ms

He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.

So how can a man who God desires to favour, find you as a good thing:

1. Be a GODLY and GOD-LED woman (with visible character of wife)

2. Be sure God knows you. God is still in the business of matchmaking. At Divine Connection, we connect people but God connects hearts.

3. Pursue purpose, walk in your calling/career. All those connected in the Bible were on a journey called purpose. Rebekah could have been at home enjoying her father's wealth but she chose to serve.

4. Pray – talk to God about your desire.

5. Yield to God's will. You have no idea how to position yourself, so yield to the one who knows. You cannot know a wife better by looking. Handsomeness could be deceptive.

6. Seek godly counsel and wisdom. Many mature singles' journey have been shortened via godly counsel. A lady who already threw in the towel on her relationship received counsel and she was led of God to restart and today she is married with a set of twins with the same man she previously told off.

7. Sow seeds of wellness – Sleep. Eat. Encourage. Dress. Support.

Encourage could mean exercise if you are sluggish or out of shape and dress includes your yard, home, etc. Your bed should not be a map with clothes in the north, books in the west, dirty paties in the east and space for sleep in the south!

8. Honour men, focus on marriage and position YOU to be found. Ruth's mother in law positioned her to be found by Boaz. Your Boaz has already been born.

9. Take action - Jesus did by showing His endearing attributes in many ways including John 3;16 which has all the aspects of love languages.

10. Use the 10Cs master key: Communication. Care (Duty of Care). Compassion (Empathy).Commitment. Consistency. Consideration. Celebration. Character. Collaboration. Connect (Love Languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch).

God designed us and defines us. 

Godly marriages can change the world, it is why satan wars against your being found. Do not be lackadaisical about being found.

The attributes of a wife or wife in the making (feel free to interpret Provers 31:10-31 as God leads):

VALUE-WORTH

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

TRUSTWORTHY

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

GOOD-BLESSING

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

ENTERPRISING

She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

IMPORTER

She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

HOSPITABLE AND ACCOMMODATING

She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

INVESTOR

She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

STRENGTH/EXERCISE

She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

PROSPECTIVE

She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

SKILLFUL

She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

CHARITABLE

She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

CARING

She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

ELEGANT

She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

HONOURABLE

Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

BUSINESS

She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

EXPECTANT

Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

WISE AND KIND

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

COMMITTED

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

PRAISEWORTHY

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

EXCELLENT

Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

GOD-FEARING

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

REWARD AND AWARD Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.

Pray to be found 

Until God put the man to sleep, broke his bone and brought him face to face with a helper, he never realised he needed one. If the man for you have sworn not to be married, you may never be.

Lord, Jesus, break my man into subjection to your will. Let the desire for him cause him to seek you so you can lead him to me.

Dr. Omolola Omoteso is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's words for the healing of hearts.

When words hurt you...

James 1:9 

Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:

1. The Bible enjoins us to pray for those who hurt us. Do we really pray for or curse? Prayers or positive confessions would soften your heart - pray for their souls to be saved from hades, for hate to be banished from their heart, for God’s intervention. Remember that a hardened heart would welcome anger and all diseases associated with it.

2. When criticised sort out constructive from destructive. Sort out lies from truth. Remap the words you heard or read to be sure you are not reading undue meaning. It is helpful to ask questions and reword what you think someone is saying to help clarify, because the majority of conflicts are a result of miscommunication. Many are mean but some appear mean only because they are hurt by what is going on with you and like you, desire a change but have no clue how to make it happen. So what they say to you translate to meanness and insensitivity when all they are saying is, you can do better.

3. Communicate with the person whose words hurt you... If the person is not an enemy, share what you heard, what it meant to you, what you felt and how you believe the person could have better related to you or constructively share their thoughts. In trying to help a friend declutter her home many years ago, she got angry and said hurtful things. When we got into a conversation, she made me understand why the baby cot which I suggested she gave away (she has kept for about 12 years), meant so much more than a baby cot. She was living abroad and her son had to stay back in her home country. The baby cot for her was her only connection.

4. Affirm who you are. Hurtful words do not magically change who we are. In affirming what you know to be true about you, you boost your self confidence and refuse for hurtful words to have a damaging effect on you. Also remember that it is human to fall short of God’s glory. Jesus died for sins of all mankind though only believers sign up for forgiveness via salvation. The more you understand and affirm your true identity in Jesus Christ, you would not be stirred into anger by the words of others.

5. Pray for those who hurt you to be graced with salvation (Colossians 1:21-22). God made it clear that sinners have been given over to a reprobate mind, i.e. mind that is unprincipled, rascally and damned! Romans 1:28 is clear that deprived minds does things they ought not to do.

Let the words in Romans 12:14-21 be your charge and cheer that, God stands for those who keep His Words.

AMEN

Dr. Omolola Omoteso is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's words for the healing of others.

Discourse: Insemination for Singles

On the POSER...

The week ending May 5 2018, saw us discussing singleness and insemination on Divine Connection. The scenario was of a sister who put forward an explanation after the church decided to punish her for adultery. 

Her explanation? She saw time was passing her by and she opted for ART (Artificial Reproductive Technology)through which she had a baby. 

*The Story*

A Christian sister got pregnant and the Church decided to discipline her since she was not married. When the elders of the Church met to interview her, she gave her reasons as follows, she has been a faithful worker in church for several years and has not found a man after her heart, she is  approaching the age of menopause where she can't get pregnant even if she eventually gets married. She continued that she consulted some Christian medical journals before deciding to have an artificial insemination done to have a biological child. She tendered both the medical journals and other medical documents that showed that she truly did an artificial insemination and from a reputable hospital. 

Poser

The poser ended with the following line:

So, my dear sister is pregnant without committing fornication nor adultery with any man. COULD THIS BE A SIN? Kindly give reasons for your answer and if possible, back it with Scripture, so that we can learn. 

Below was Dr. Omolola Omoteso, DC Host’s response:

This response takes no side to the argument for or against but leaves readers to give their own verdict since God relates with us individually. Killing is a sin but when God directed Abraham to sacrifice (kill) his son, he was not considered as being on a journey to sin when he took steps to carry it out. If he had arrived too early or too late and a miracle did not occur, would he have sinned considering he was obeying God?

Genesis 1:28

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.”

Proverbs 6:30-31 Ask that we not despise a thief who steals to quench hunger which means his action is not counted as sin. But if caught what happens? "But if he be found, he shall restore sevenfold; he shall give all the substance of his house." So while God absolves such a person of the consequence of sin, the world does not.

Both instances spell out something important, God's ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8).

Biologically, Jesus had no father. Moses was mothered by someone not biologically related. To save her son, she opted to be his nurse. If birth registration was to be done, Mrs. Pharaoh would have been registered as Moses’ mum with all rights and privileges of adoption. How a child is registered and in whose name matters less than how a child is nurtured to fulfil destiny. Clinton is not Bill's biological father's surname. Yet the name Clinton positioned him for celebration.

Drinking too much as well as eating too much fall under the category of gluttony which is sin. Same level of sin as having sex out of marriage with an approved or illegal person. Same level as not trusting God.

Those making the argument that because Jesus was born to a mother and father, insemination is wrong, are mixing up issues. God put Jesus in a family so Jesus can grow up as a well rounded child in a family set up. Mary was divinely inseminated. Technically, Mary conceived outside of marriage. Though the child was born in marriage he was not biologically Joseph's son. To cover Mary's shame, God led her man to accept paternity of the child. But this makes Joseph an adoptive father not a biological father but a father no less.

[Biologically, Jesus had no mother too. I know you may find that disconcerting but IF indeed Mary was divinely inseminated, then Mary where tested would not have the same DNA as Jesus because the blood line of Jesus was DIVINE. In essence, Mary was merely a surrogate; a divinely selected carrier of The Divine Embryo formed by The Triune Order in a Divine Laboratory by God, The Ultimate Embryologist! Mary was divinely inseminated. There is no better argument for ART, which came via Godled wisdom, than this.]

There are men and women who due to no fault of theirs will NOT be able to have children by biology. Would God deny them the rights of being fathers or mothers?

All women who desire birth by pregnancy MUST go through a process to birth the child. Choices are quite limited in that no matter what path you choose, you require human sperm and human egg - neither can be artificially fashioned. This process involves SERIOUS invasion of privacy especially in today's world when gender is no longer considered in assigning doctors. I grew up insisting on only female doctors. Till I was in my 30s only one elderly male doctor ever attended to me and MAMI was present. All others were females. Today? Sadly, I can no longer make that choice.

Many who were born by loving parents in what we can call "normal" homes, grew up with one absent parent or no parent. How normal was that normal? A lady who has now become a celebrity of sort, lost both parents in a fire accident that occurred in their home. Did God cause the accident? No. 

Many men have rendered women infertile by over performing via masturbation thereby limiting the possibility of procreating in marriage. They are gymgym (over exerting) Christians but indulged in the sin of self pleasuring before or in marriage. Should a woman who is married to such godly men be confined to a life of no birth because of the man's sin?

Many have done series of abortion yet, they get into marriage and promptly have children. But there are those who married as virgins and are still going from mountain to mountain to present the prayer of having a child to call their own. Does having a child or not make you less of a Christian or achiever?

Caesarian section is not the ideal but it has become the only path for many. Until the Adeboyes' faith capacity was strengthened, it was an acceptable and non sinful path to birthing of their children.

Genesis 3:16

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

Does this verse imply that desiring a man or the rulership over a woman is a curse?

Some are dealing with curses while others are victims of man's inhumanity. One of my researches show that many women who were drugged by reason of being labelled with having latent TB end up with fibroids in the USA. Thereafter, many of them are compelled as part of treatment to remove their uterus. This is one of the ploys of western wickedness to reduce procreation. If such a woman opts for womb replacement surgery, donor eggs or surrogacy, would this be a sin?

Many Muslims do not have major issues with delay to marry or procreation because men can marry more and ladies are urged to marry early to a man of "means"... Such means provides comfort, prompt medical care etc. I know a lady who was secretary in a church. She was disappointed by a minister. She opted to marry a Muslim. He had previously rejected him to have a relationship with "bro" but "bro" jilted her. She not only married the Muslim; due to the measure of love he showed her, she converted and was sighted by some in her hijab. Have Christians married to Muslims sinned? Have Christians married to Muslims without denying their faith, sinned?

Ideal age for marriage for a woman is 18 - 25. This is because the biology of women is a time clock that starts ticking from birth and at that age, they are at optimal fertility. Yet, unmindful of this, pastors, preachers and parents discourage Christians from marrying early or ask them to delay childbearing. In making women wait, we sin against them. 

A guy in my church group made a sister wait. She spent her money to sponsor his education. When he completed his education, he said she no longer fits his lifestyle because she was a caterer. The sister is still single today. Was the breakup her fault? Would it be a sin if she opts for insemination? Would it be a sin if she decided to use a surrogate? 

Insemination is one sensitive area I only discuss in one on one counsel as led by the Holy Spirit, whose ways are not our ways. But, I dare say that if insemination is a sin, so is pride and so is falling in love with a woman and desiring her as wife BUT making her wait because you are not yet cash or credential "ready". Making a woman wait is a sin. YOU SIN AGAINST HER DESTINY. Why? You control and/or reduce her chances of being a mother. Some men do it to women, some women and men do it to themselves.

If insemination is not sin, so is the church you attend, the pastor you submit to or the person you marry; these are choices you make. Should you submit to God in making such choices, YES. Is not submitting to God on these decisions a sin? You judge and name what sin it is.

God still works miracles

The essence of miracle is why many are not able to wait for it. A miracle is something you do not know when, where, whether or how it would happen in this life. If we had a crystal ball 🔮 from where we could see that at 33.5 years you will marry and at 41.3 years you will have a child, many will relax and wait but I guess once you know when or how, it cannot be counted as a miracle.

A woman who had a child after 60 was NOT waiting in faith, she gave up swimming in the ocean of making it happen herself BUT God stepped in. It is madness to wait while doing nothing. Faith is not blind sight; it is seeing sight that work and watch (to keep watch is to pray expectantly) with trust in God. We must understand that God does not require our faith to work miracles. We also must understand that the journey of or in faith does not always end in a miracle. When Abraham went on that journey, he was on a trip of obedience and had no idea it would end in a miracle. If it had not, he may have been labelled a killer and asked to pay the capital price. Who was there when God spoke to Abraham? God's ways are not our ways.

I was heading to my usual spot in a business office one day and I realised children had taken over. I hardly ever saw children in that office. I was so tired that I wanted to turn back. As much as I loved children, I did not wish to be bothered on this particular day. As I was about going to another desk, one of the children greeted me charmingly and told me what he was doing. I can turn adults away but I never could turn children away. I smiled immediately and went to see what he was drawing. He should be about 7 years, we got talking and I admired what he was drawing and told him he could create a book from the images. "A book? Cool!" He exclaimed. Before you could say Mary Onyali, he went to get papers from the tray in the printer and asked me how... I switched on my teacher mode and I helped him staple the papers together. He began to draw and showed me every step of the way. The little brother of about 5 came to me to say, "I want to make a book too! But I can't write. Can you help me?" I smiled and told him yes you can! I'll write for you, just draw... To cut a long story short, these children were so into me that you would not have believed they were not mine. When I sighted their Dad, he just kept saying thank you, keep them busy for me, you are an angel. Before long I was sharing with the children on my laptop and one had leaned on me like we were home and I was reading a story book. He was asking questions and I was giving him all the attention in the world and loving every moment of it. These are not Africans o because some of you may be saying maybe they were missing Nigeria, these were Caucasians! The one leaning on me got so chatty and in our discussion told me they lost their mother two years ago. Their father would never have imagined what we discussed and how close we became without thinking jazz was involved. When their Dad was ready to leave, he practically had to come and drag the leaning one away; he was completely into me. He jokingly ask if I would be interested in babysitting them! 😂 At that moment, I forgot I had 5 degrees plus a doctorate and I said, yes!

What am I saying, an adopted child could be a miracle and so could quadruplets from insemination. Someone said, "The adopted baby I believe was conceived by a man and woman and not through science." Brethren all children are conceived from the "coupling" of an ovum and a sperm. It gets me every time when someone shares the miracle of a child and someone else ask, is it your first? That question inadvertently stupidly tries to measure God by whether this is a regular or irregular occurrence. Doctors are guilty of this framing. Even if you have had 2 before, a child in your 40s, 50s or 60s, regardless of whether you had medical help or not, is a miracle because earthly wisdom in how we eat, live, work etc. has tampered with God's ideal.

God's ideal has been tampered with. God's idea is women and men having children in their prime. God's idea is parents supporting two young people to marry and build a family till they can stand on their own not men and women waiting to build their own houses and then when they are ready they plan a mega wedding and plan to have two children within 3 years thinking they can just switch on biology.

War, economy, education, westernalisation, colonialism, genetical modification, and the likes have tampered with God's ideal. What we now have is permissive will. 

I know a woman in my church whose daughter had a couple of miscarriages and she advised her and her son in law to adopt. The adopted son look so much like her daughter that despite being told, I have a problem believing that her biology did not make it happen. This led me to wonder if ALL cells are the same just differently structured by nature and nurture. 

We must remember that ALL seeds are created by God and all conceptions are orchestrated by God. No conception can take place without heaven being part of it. No doctor has been able to create sperm or ovum. No doctor can tell you exactly what hour you ovulate. No doctor can tell you what minute ejaculate is released. No doctor can make conception happen, they can only aid conception. To do so, an ovum and sperm MUST be involved. 

I know a beautiful brainy woman of God in her 70s. She kept believing God will bring her a "better man". Today she believes that she may have missed God's best. I know another whose first marriage was at 60. Biologically she could no longer have a child but she was not looking for one since she had one in her prime. Why did she marry this late? Was God or self involved in her delay? Could marriage have brought her happiness if having children is her priority and she had none? Would opting for surrogacy, regardless of whether she has one, be a sin?

In many countries a child can be registered by a mother only or by a mother and a father figure. I doubt Italy could have insisted on using the donor's name because in most western countries, depending on what the donor or receiver opted for, the father remains anonymous except he opted that his identity can be revealed usually after 18 years. Italians born outside of Italy are considered Italians. Foreigners who give birth on Italian soil are registered so it is a mother's prerogative to name a father regardless of who biology honours with that title. If Italian law is opposed to homosexuality, then the child cannot be registered with two mothers as parents. This is a different issue entirely. And yes, homosexuality and the likes is considered a sin. 

We all believe our parents gave birth to us, what will you do if your mother called you to say your father is NOT your real father. I will laugh and hug my Dad because for me, except they killed to swap me or did something really atrocious, the man who nurtured me remains my father regardless of biology. Loving him will depend not on the biology of his essence called nature but on his gift of nurture. Jesus did not have the benefit of biological affiliation yet he had a father and led a normal life. His birth strengthens Yorubas saying, baba ku, baba ku (father dies, father remains - to die and to remain have the same spelling but different sounds).

In Christianity there is absolutely nothing like bastard child. Logically there is nothing like bastard child. If you sleep with a married woman in America and she gets pregnant and decides to keep the child. Under the law, guess who owns the child? The woman's husband? 😂 If the man who impregnated her dares to fight, he would have a case of adultery on his hands. A child born in marriage belongs to the couple regardless of how the child was fathered or mothered. The lady whose daughter I referred is presently going through a divorce with the man with whom she adopted the child. Guess one thing that is not being discussed? The paternity or responsibility of the child. In America once you adopt a child, the birth parents lose parental rights at least till the child is 18.

The word bastard is a derogatory and archaic term. And do you know what it really means? A childborn of parents who are not married. So if you were birthed before your parents got married then that tag applies to you. Under the western law, your birth needs to be legitimised within marriage. Please let's leave out cultural references to children born outside wedlock as bastards. Our yardstick is NOT Nigeria, Italy or America, it is God through the Bible and no child can be tagged bastards because we all belong to God. The seeds (cells - ovums and sperms) of pastors, prisoners, rapists, rappers, murderers and missionaries all come from God. He owns all children. Those through whom they come or homes through which they grow are custodians of God's destinies (Ephesians 1:5, Romans 8:15-17).

Some went to America with ori olori (head of another) and God made a way for them. Some went legitimately yet they wonder if they heard well before leaving for America. One thing I can unequivocally tell you is that, no matter how long we debate such a sensitive topic as "insemination for singles", each of us would have a decision to make at some point in life and the ONLY person you are ultimately accountable to for your action, is God. 

In conclusion...

What is insemination? It is the artificial reproduction technology (ART) of inserting an ovum to swim towards sperm or a fertilised embryo into a woman for the possibility of this growing full term to be born naturally or surgically. Interestingly, sex is also referred to as natural insemination. And some have opted for this outside of marriage. Some cultures in Igboland do this (to cover the "shame" of a man with fertility issues) and the child is not considered to be the man's but that of the man for whom he did the "insemination" (similar to what I said of child born by a married woman in America).

The Bible wrote about a time when many women will say to men, just let me answer your name... I also wrote that the time is coming, when many would ask "friends" to father or mother their children (donate cells) artificially or naturally with no option of marriage just so they can know the joy of participating in creation and the happiness of child carrying, child birthing and child nurturing. 

Whatever choice we make, let us ensure that we yield to God because we need Him to orchestrate the outcome we expect. All stories I have shared here are not fiction. I know 90% of those involved. I will end with this story.

I was told of a woman who was married for about 13 years, no child. The man filed for divorce for just one reason - childlessness. This is a sin. Some of you will get to this crossroad, know that a decision to leave a woman because she cannot or has not brought forth is a sin. Why. You promised to love her unconditionally, regardless. No woman or man can make conception happen. While this may be an expectation, God never said all women and all men MUST have children. He created all with procreation cells but lifestyle and wickedness affects abilities and capabilities.

The story. After the divorce she decided to go on a vacation. On the plane she met a certain man and they chatted. Later that night she jammed the man in the lobby of her hotel. One thing led to the other and they had sex. By morning he was gone. She cared less. Back from vacation, she returned to her role in church. Few months later she discovered she was pregnant. As shameful as this would be, since everyone knew she was divorced, abortion was not an option. She made her decision. When she was invited by the pastorate council to discuss disciplinary action which includes demotion etc. she thanked them and said "I de-minister myself, I de-member myself and I even de-redeemed myself!" She turned in her badge as deaconess. She got busy taking care of herself and praying to God for guidance. This was her FIRST PREGNANCY EVER. I bet you want to know how the story ended? Ask me on DC Whatsapp Forum. It is a forum exclusively for registered members of Divine Connection @DCMatureSingles.

To respond directly, having a child without committing the sin of adultery or fornication is not a sin. Having a child fulfils the directive of God in Genesis to "be fruitful and multiply".  

Using artificial means may be a sign of fear, desperation, unbelief, impatience, avoidance or foresightedness.

Is insemination God's ideal for an unmarried man or woman? Is this a sin? Can a loving environment be created for such children? Would you rather end up spouseless and childless if there are options to having and nurturing yours? Is the desire to participate in creation a sin? Does the decision to trust God about having children via ART imply that you do not trust God to do it in marriage? How long should you wait for marriage or in marriage before considering the option of ART? Do children born via insemination deserve love? Should parents who opt for insemination be asked to exit the body of Jesus Christ? What was the decision of the church in the narrative by Ms. Tolu Osho?

In closing...

When we realise that when we close our eyes in death, natural or artificial insemination or none would matter no more, we will be fearless about making decisions yet we will accept that God rules in the affairs of men and women. We will understand that whatever outcome heaven orchestrates in response to our wants and needs will work out for our good.

Remember Proverbs 3:5-6

I thank Ms. Tolu Osho for this poser. I had wanted to bring it up myself after I discussed it extensively with one of our members during one on one counsel weeks before now (that is the benefit of counsel). It throws up many questions but the decision of "to do insemination" or "not to do" is YOURS as individuals.

May God help us all.

MARRIAGE IS NOT AN ESCAPE ROUTE by Tolu Osho

In our present day world, there are loads of people; men and ladies who so desperately want to be married. 

For single Christians, while we are waiting for this to happen, we shouldn’t allow our lives to be on pause or oscillate like a pendulum. All we do should not just revolve around the desire to get married. We shouldn’t look at marriage as an avenue for someone to come into our lives and turn it around or fix it. Our lives should be fixed before marriage

True talk that hope deferred makes the heart sick. Nowadays, I even hear different analysis like once you are in your mid thirties, it becomes more difficult for single men to marry ladies; that men prefer younger girls in their twenties, they are scared of mature women in their thirties and a whole lot of unfound speculations.

For some of us, it may seem that the older we get, the farther away the right person seems to move. No denying it, this long wait can result in anxiety and can cause one to be on the verge of depression or fall into depression proper.

The truth is, no matter what we go through as Christians, we shouldn't let our joy depend on our marital status or circumstances surrounding us.

Marriage is sweet, honourable and desirable, but we aren’t supposed to have the mindset that marriage is the way to happiness. To think that marriage is what will make you happy is to misplace your expectations. We are solely responsible for our joy and happiness.

If as a person, your attitude is messed up (you can't find and own your joy) marriage won't fix you; it will just complicate the existing mess, because you can't give your partner what you don't have.

Let's take our time of waiting to make ourselves happy and develop ourselves. When you love every bit of you, that is when someone else can appreciate and love you.

Marriage is like building a house. You need to carry tools, dig, get your hands dirty in the process of putting the structure in place, a block on top of the other, one day at a time. At the end of the day, it's either you build a good or a bad house.

So, an unhappy person expecting to be happy in marriage will be overwhelmed when he/she sees that there's work to be done to build a good house i.e to enjoy marriage. Your lack of joy  mode cannot make you the right "good house" builder. 

As singles, before embarking on marriage or relationship, be a happy, fulfilled, independent Christian. Only then are you qualified to enjoy bliss in marriage. Make up your mind to be happy, have joy. Do not wait for your happiness to be hinged on someone else. 

Let's also bear in mind that marriage is not a solution to loneliness! Marriage doesn't guarantee an end to loneliness. Millions of married people are lonely too, still looking for a level of understanding and acceptance their spouse doesn't offer. 

Therefore, work on yourself and know that marriage is not a way out but a beginning of another journey that will have its ups and downs.

Ms. Tolu Osho is a member of Divine Connection.