Spare the Rod? A Biblical Counsellor’s View on Discipline & Consequences
The manual I use for counselling is the Bible; this is why I am a Biblical Counsellor. The counsel I share is Bible based.
I want us to be clear that age appropriate spanking has its benefit.
I also want us to be clear that spanking for a child and spanking for an adult is viewed differently.
By the age of 18, a child is expected to have learned how to be appropriately responsive and responsible. Unfortunately the law seldom take cognisanse that some are slower than others. It is only considered when there is a diagnosis.
While the west condemns spanking in its entirety, we see the use of spanking in law... For example, if there was no consequence for speeding, many will go 100 miles per hour. The ticket is a warning; one of ways the law spank adults. Depending on miles over, the degree of spanking or ticket varies.
In the children I have directly nurtured, I may have spanked only once or twice and it served as an immediate and long term deterrent. That it instills fear or leads to reverence has a positive and negative side to it, depending on how the child has been raised or nurtured.
Proverbs 23:13-14
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol.
I know peers I went to high school with who reiterated again and again that the rod saved them from jail.
MAMI told us of her principal who would always so that now you can see the person spanking you but if you don't take to the corrections, life will spank you in future and thr effect will be worse because there will be no one to beg for mercy.
Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Discipline here could mean discipleship and it could mean consequential action which could be spanking
Proverbs 13:24
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
This is calling us to purposeful parenting rather than pampering that can lead a child astray.
Proverbs 29:15
The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Why the mother? Humans have tilted the culture into patriarchy hence a mother is blamed and shamed if a child is out of character.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Excessive spanking can provoke to anger, retaliation and to the extent of suicide because a child frequently beaten will feel unloved)
Proverbs 22:6
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Did you notice that it is recorded as "a child", not "your child". Every child must be nurtured in righteousness.
Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death.
A child who lives without consequence is being prepared for death - spiritual, judicial or natural.
Proverbs 22:15
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Satan and demons harden the hearts of some children. The rod aligns them with consequences and serves as deterrent.
Proverbs 29:17
Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
The rest is futuristic. Do the work now and rest in time to come when your child grows into a responsible adult.
Proverbs 20:30
Blows that wound cleanse away evil; strokes make clean the innermost parts.
Proverbs 13:1
A wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.
ELA today is on listening... we can train children to listen and this will mitigate spanking or scoffing at both ends respectively.
Ephesians 6:1-4
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honour your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
When we obey God we avoid consequences of sin, same with when our children obey us.
Hebrews 12:3-11
Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
This shows the importance of explaining why we spank or other consequences to our children. Spanking not backed by communication would be ill received after a while. This is why an adage in Yoruba says ti a ba fi owo osi ba omo wi, a fi owo otun fa mo'ra. When we use the left hand to scold a child, we will use the right hand to pull the child close into an embrace.
Deuteronomy 21:18-21
“If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and, though they discipline him, will not listen to them, then his father and his mother shall take hold of him and bring him out to the elders of his city at the gate of the place where he lives, and they shall say to the elders of his city, ‘This our son is stubborn and rebellious; he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton and a drunkard.’ Then all the men of the city shall stone him to death with stones. So you shall purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
This is extreme and will never be our portion. This is why Jesus paid the capital price but we cannot continue to sin and ask that grace abound.
Hebrews 12:11
For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (
As mentioned earlier, I have old school mates who boldly say that if they had not been caned or spanked they would have ended up in jail or dead; they were quite rotten but the fear of cane became the beginning of wisdom.
Galatians 6:1
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.
This is what I shared on Sunday... the community of believers should rally round not steer or scorn those living in rebellion.
Hebrews 12:9
Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live?
My mother spoke of her principal who would always so I am canning you now and you can see me, beg me or try to hold the cane or rod because of the pain. But the time is coming when you may not see what is beating you if you refuse to change... What are those things that can beat us in life - shame, depression, ostracisement even poverty.
Colossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.
This refers to parents who align with God.
Hebrews 12:6-7
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?
Your children need this explanation. Let them know discipline is essential if you love them and want them to succeed.
Matthew 18:6
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.
This is reverse discipline for us as parents IF we fail in our calling or career.
Ecclesiastes 8:11
Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil.
This refers to speed... we touched on it. There is a legal difference between then and now but we trust God to close the gap with deliverance and healing.
We will explore other verses later.
Meanwhile list 1-5 action you will take and report when you take them and outcome. No need to rush them just be intentional.
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