God designed us and defines us.
Ice Breaker Enquiries
Who am I?
What is my purpose?
When will my purpose be fulfilled?
Why am I here?
Where am I going?
How will I get there?
When purpose is unknown, abuse is inevitable
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. (KJV).
Luke 1:38 (KJV)
And Mary said, Behold the handmaid of the Lord; be it unto me according to thy word. And the angel departed from her.
Breakdown
1. Me, Myself and I - The Almighty God, Our Father, is sufficient in and of Himself. His being God is not contingent upon our acceptance or testimonies (Psalm 82:6)
2. A – Single, function word before a singular noun. It is used when referring to someone or something for the first time in a text or conversation.
3. Good - To be desired or approved. Having the qualities required for a particular role. That which is morally right; righteousness.
4. Thing - An object or entity not precisely designated or capable of being designated. An inanimate object distinguished from a living being. A separate and distinct individual quality, fact, idea, or usually entity. INDIVIDUAL; “…not a living thing in sight.”
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour from the LORD. (NKJV)
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. (KJV).
When you encounter “lord” in all lower case, it is reference to a human ruler.
When you encounter the first letter capitalised - Lord, it is because it begins a sentence or it is a reference to one of the three divine Persons of the Godhead (the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit) or to the entire Godhead.
When you see the term entirely capitalised - LORD - it will be in the Old Testament and is translating the Hebrew word for the name of God - YHWH, or Yahweh (Biblical Hebrew has no vowels, only consonant letters). The reason for this is that the Ten Commandments forbid anyone to misuse the name of Yahweh, without reverence:
“You shall not misuse the name of Yahweh your God, for Yahweh will not hold anyone who misuses his name guiltless.” (Exodus 20:7; Deuteronomy 5:11).
Proverbs 31:10
“Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies.”
Together these verses teach us that a virtuous (faithful and dependable) woman is really a blessing from the Lord that is more valuable than any earthly treasure.
Proverbs 19:14 emphasise this same truth:
“House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and A PRUDENT WIFE IS FROM THE LORD.”
It is vital to see the connection between “finding a virtuous wife” and “obtaining favour from the LORD.” If a Christian man has a strong desire to be married he MUST seek the Lord’s guidance to “find a wife.” Some look in the wrong places for a wife, only to settle for less than what the Lord purposed for him.
Pray to be found
When God instituted marriage He made the woman for the man. Genesis 2:21-22 says, “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man he made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.” Just as He brought Eve to Adam, He WILL bring you to his will if you allow Him to guide you in being found as a good wife.
Two important “principles” from God’s Word that helps to “narrow the search.”
1. The first principle is found in 2 Corinthians 6:14
“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”
You MUST be a true believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. The prophet Amos warned of in Amos 3:3, “Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?” A believer and an unbeliever will NOT agree on many things when it comes to honouring Jesus Christ.
2. The other vital principle is found in 1 Corinthians 7:39 where Paul tells the widows, “A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, ONLY IN THE LORD.” She must be a believer, AND be subject to the Lordship of Jesus Christ.” Her desire should be to be guided by God’s word and to glorify the Lord Jesus in all that she does.
If these two principles are followed, and the Lord guides you to that special and unique wo/man that was made just for you, you shall indeed “obtain favour from the Lord!”
EXPOSITION
Proverbs 18:22
Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favour of the LORD.
Whoso findeth a wife - One who deserves the name of wife, as the one described in Proverbs 31:10. No one searches for what is worthless.
Findeth a good thing - A singular blessing; directed at the seeker and the sought.
And obtaineth favour of the Lord - A man obtains favour of the Lord; not by his own wisdom, art, endeavours, wit, or diligence, but by God’s good providence toward him, which orders that and all other events as it pleases him.
Whoso findeth a wife - A good natured woman, wise, prudent, careful, and industrious; a proper helpmeet, a virtuous woman, as in Proverbs 31:10; whoso seeks after such and finds one, especially one that has the grace of God, which he should seek after as God leads, and by prayer to God: findeth a good thing; that will be good for him, both upon a civil and spiritual account.
The LXX and Vulgate read at the end of this verse, “He that putteth away a good wife, putteth away a good thing; but he who retains an adulteress is foolish and wicked.”
Sirach or Ecclesiasticus, is found in the Catholic Bible and the Orthodox Bible. The Protestants excluded it because no Hebrew version was found and it was considered a product of Greek culture. It was included in the original King James Version. A Hebrew version was found in the Dead Sea Scrolls.
The Septuagint (from the Latin: septuāgintā literally "seventy"; often abbreviated as 70 in Roman numerals, i.e., LXX; sometimes called the Greek Old Testament) is the earliest extant Greek translation of the Hebrew scriptures. The Septuagint was the Greek translation of the Hebrew Old Testament and was in wide use by the time of the story of Jesus and Paul simply because most Jews could no longer read Hebrew.
Genesis 2:18 (KJV)
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
While the KJV translates the Hebrew phrase עזר כנגדו (ezer kenegedo) as "help meet for him," other translations provide additional translations including; "a helper fit for him" (RSV), "a helper as his partner" (NRS), "a helper comparable to him" (NKJ) and "an helper as his counterpart" (YLT). What exactly does this Hebrew phrase mean?
The first word in the phrase, עזר (ezer), is simple and means "helper." The second word, כנגדו (kenegedo) is more complex. The base word is the word נגד (neged), with the prefix כ (k) meaning "like," and the suffix ו (o) meaning "of him" of "his."
The word נגד (neged) comes from the verbal root word meaning "to be face to face." This verb is always used in the causative form where it would literally be translated as "to make to be face to face," and is always used to mean "to tell" in the sense of causing another to come face to face in order to tell them something.
The phrase עזר כנגדו (ezer kenegedo) literally means "a helper like his opposite." In my opinion this means that Eve was to be his "other half," like him, but with the opposite attributes.
EXEGETICAL (ORIGINAL LANGUAGES)
Compare Proverbs 18:22 to Sirach 26:1-3:
“Happy is the husband of a good wife;
And the number of his days shall be twofold.
A brave woman rejoiceth her husband;
And he shall fulfil his years in peace.
A good wife is a good portion:
She shall be given in the portion of such as fear the Lord.”
Sirach 26:1-3.
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing. A good wife is meant to be a virtuous, prudent helpmate, as in Proverbs 12:4; Proverbs 19:14; and Proverbs 31:10-31. The epithet is omitted, because the moralist is thinking of the ideal wife, the one whoso union is blessed, who alone deserves the holy name of wife. Thus in ver. 4 we had the ideal man spoken cf. Septuagint, εϋρε χάριτας," findeth graces," viz. peace, union, plenty, ruder.
See a different view, Ecclesiastes 7:26-28:
"I find more bitter than death the woman who is a snare, whose heart is a trap and whose hands are chains. The man who pleases God will escape her, but the sinner she will ensnare."
And obtaineth favour of the Lord (Proverbs 8:35; Proverbs 12:2); or, hath obtained (Proverbs 3:13), as shown by the consort whom God has given him.
Ratson, “good will”, “favour”, is rendered by the Septuagint and by the Vulgate as “cheerfulness”, “joyousness” (Proverbs 19:12). Ecclus. 26:1, etc., "Blessed is the man that hath a good wife, for the number of his days shall be double. A virtuous (ἀνδρεία) woman rejoiceth her husband, and he shall fulfil the years of his life in peace. A good wife is a good portion which shall be given in the portion of them that fear the Lord." "A good wife," says the Talmud. "is a good gift; she shall be given to a man that feareth God."
EXEGETING PROVERBS 18:22
Let’s do an exegesis of Proverbs 18:22
Exegesis means exposition, explanation, especially an explanation or critical interpretation of a text.
Have you been misreading the word – FIND?
When it comes to finding a wife, many use Proverbs 18:22 as proof or belief that they needed to exert effort to successfully find a woman worthy of marrying (and who saw them worthy of marrying).
Many claim to be waiting but they are actually wasting (I've done a message on this). Mature singles need to learn how to wait on the LORD instead of taking matters into their own hands.
According to Hebrew’s lexicon, the word 'find' used in the Bible, is matsa' (transliterated), and carries a variety of meanings (based on the Hebrew tense Qal):
▪ to find, secure, acquire, get (thing sought)
▪ to meet, encounter
▪ to learn, devise
▪ to come upon, light upon
▪ to happen upon, meet, fall in with
▪ to befall
Find indicates a state or process of discovery. Many misinterpret “find” to mean “to actively seek after,” which is not what the verse indicated. Had the writer meant whoever actively sought after a wife would find a good thing, he likely would have used the word “baqash” instead, which is translated, “to seek to find.”
One can find or discover or find something without actually looking for it (this is what “encounter” means). Things like marriage really are better left up to God to handle, especially when it pertains to something as life changing and important as marriage.
Rather than exert energy looking for something of which you have no specification, or looking out for a random man to find you, it’s better to focus on renewing my faith in the LORD’s promises to give to those who ask of Him, and mentally prepare myself to be a good wife and friend to whoever God sees fit to bring into my life. Beyond that there’s no use fretting over things that I ultimately have no control over.
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favour from the Lord.
So how can a man who God desires to favour, find you as a good thing:
1. Be a GODLY and GOD-LED woman (with visible character of wife)
2. Be sure God knows you. God is still in the business of matchmaking. At Divine Connection, we connect people but God connects hearts.
3. Pursue purpose, walk in your calling/career. All those connected in the Bible were on a journey called purpose. Rebekah could have been at home enjoying her father's wealth but she chose to serve.
4. Pray – talk to God about your desire.
5. Yield to God's will. You have no idea how to position yourself, so yield to the one who knows. You cannot know a wife better by looking. Handsomeness could be deceptive.
6. Seek godly counsel and wisdom. Many mature singles' journey have been shortened via godly counsel. A lady who already threw in the towel on her relationship received counsel and she was led of God to restart and today she is married with a set of twins with the same man she previously told off.
7. Sow seeds of wellness – Sleep. Eat. Encourage. Dress. Support.
Encourage could mean exercise if you are sluggish or out of shape and dress includes your yard, home, etc. Your bed should not be a map with clothes in the north, books in the west, dirty paties in the east and space for sleep in the south!
8. Honour men, focus on marriage and position YOU to be found. Ruth's mother in law positioned her to be found by Boaz. Your Boaz has already been born.
9. Take action - Jesus did by showing His endearing attributes in many ways including John 3;16 which has all the aspects of love languages.
10. Use the 10Cs master key: Communication. Care (Duty of Care). Compassion (Empathy).Commitment. Consistency. Consideration. Celebration. Character. Collaboration. Connect (Love Languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch).
God designed us and defines us.
Godly marriages can change the world, it is why satan wars against your being found. Do not be lackadaisical about being found.
The attributes of a wife or wife in the making (feel free to interpret Provers 31:10-31 as God leads):
VALUE-WORTH
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
TRUSTWORTHY
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.
GOOD-BLESSING
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
ENTERPRISING
She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.
IMPORTER
She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.
HOSPITABLE AND ACCOMMODATING
She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.
INVESTOR
She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.
STRENGTH/EXERCISE
She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.
PROSPECTIVE
She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.
SKILLFUL
She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.
CHARITABLE
She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.
CARING
She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.
ELEGANT
She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.
HONOURABLE
Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.
BUSINESS
She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.
EXPECTANT
Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.
WISE AND KIND
She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
COMMITTED
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
PRAISEWORTHY
Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
EXCELLENT
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.
GOD-FEARING
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.
REWARD AND AWARD Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
Pray to be found
Until God put the man to sleep, broke his bone and brought him face to face with a helper, he never realised he needed one. If the man for you have sworn not to be married, you may never be.
Lord, Jesus, break my man into subjection to your will. Let the desire for him cause him to seek you so you can lead him to me.
Dr. Omolola Omoteso is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's words for the healing of hearts.
