LIVING SINGLE: The Gal Story by Olubukola Lawal

Olubukola Lawal wrote this when she was single... One year after God has signed her into a marital journey we trust will be joyful! 

The urban dictionary defined a single person as when you are currently not in a relationship with a significant other. In legal definitions, a single person is someone who is not in a relationship or is "unmarried". In common usage, the term single is often used to refer to someone who is of age (above 21 years) and not involved in any type of serious romantic relationship, including long-term dating, engagement, or marriage.

I am a lady of thirty years of age and it has not been easy living single but one thing I always assure myself of is that been single is not a crime neither is it a curse. It is only a phase in my life that I have to go through to learn what it takes to be independent. My younger sister is married and that has brought a lot of pressure on me from friends and families. My mum in particular disturbs me on so many occasions and each time she calls me by my middle name ‘Olaide’ I already know what the discussion will be about.

What I have done for myself in this phase of life is that I continue to develop myself and serve God with the whole of my heart and time. I remember how my mum lamented when I told her I want to commence my MBA, she went on and one to explain to me that I am not getting any younger, You are a lady and time waits for no one. In Yoruba there is a saying that ‘Ile obirin ko kin pe su’ meaning night time does not tarry for ladies. I encourage my mum all the time that someday she would celebrate with me.

Furthermore, one of the issues I have had to deal with is loneliness. There are times I would love to be with my partner or just feel like going to places with that special someone alone but at times like this, I ensure I keep my calm and trust in the Word of God that the thoughts of God for me is good and not of evil.

In conclusion, a scripture that I always hold on to is Isaiah 34:16 ‘Search the book of the LORD, and see what He will do. Not one of these birds and animals will be missing, and none will lack a mate, for the LORD has promised this. His Spirit will make it all come true’.

My advice to every single man and woman is never accept self-pity from anyone. Being single is not a disease neither is it a curse, but it is a time for you to be what God wants you to be. If you are not complete in yourself as a single, you cannot be complete when you are maried.

WHY RCCG WEDS WITH BIBLE INSTEAD OF RING

Pastor Enoch Adejare Adeboye, the General Overseer of RCCG (Redeemed Christian Church Of God) in a 2012 live broadcast on Dove TV revealed powerful marriage secrets to singles – men and women. Here we share excerpts. Be blessed.

Romans 8:31: The reason RCCG weds with the bible instead of a ring is because the Bible can never change, the Word of God stands forever but a ring can be removed at anytime!

Those who will reach the top must be peculiar! There is always room at the top but only few will get there.

Those of you who go to your pastor to pray for you and tell you who to marry, if care is not taken, you will become victim of lies. You are simply lazy. No pastor or prophet should tell you who to marry. They are to pray along with you, counsel and guide you using the Word of God. If you fail to pay the price to hear from God on that matter, you may be deceived. God can use your pastor or a genuine prophet of God to confirm what He had already told you.

Many homes have been established on falsehood and that is why things are falling apart and the centre can no longer hold. Some pastors are seriously into matchmaking. They have taken over from the Holy Spirit. Matchmaking remains God’s prerogative and He has not delegated it to any pastor.

What are your expectations and what are you establishing your home on? Speak to counsellor today at www.annecares@hotmail.com. Together we can create joyful homes, beginning with yours.

Combating Loneliness

When one is taken to a better place or relocated or repositioned, one may feel lonely from the untwisted relationship God detangled one from. God never meant for us to be lonely which is why He assured us that in Matthew 28:20, "...And, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world". I have recognised untwisted relationships and taken steps to untangle them. One of such relationships is with my husband, in the area of "making him my hit"; knowing that only God can fill my void has made me turn my focus on God who is able to make all grace abound and supply all my needs according to His riches in glory.

1 Corinthians 13, that lovey dovey chapter! Tongues, Interpretation, Faith, Prophecies… Yet love is the greatest. Why? You can’t love without giving your heart. You must put something in place with the understanding that the other person may have a block in that area. Love the person beyond the situation so that it does not become volatile. Allow them to use their OWN tools until they go into the ditch. Then, be ready to provide tools for them to get out of the ditch. Learn to speak the other person’s language and love them BEYOND themselves.

NOTE: YOU CANNOT LOVE WITHOUT RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD. God Has created all of us incomplete, inadequate, and in need of a huge shopping list full of ingredients that we cannot provide ourselves.

To combat loneliness we need to put to work the 5-step strategy proposed by Dr. Stanley: Recognise, Reconcile, Recall, Reach and Refocus. We must realise that other people cannot fill our void, only God can through godly relationships. Loneliness could be dangerous as this could move us towards the wrong crowd. In relationships, we should look out for whom to offer our love to as our relationship with God positions us to overcome loneliness.

While Adam was in the Garden of Eden, he neither felt alone nor lonely, because his belief was not adulterated and his focus did not stray away from his calling of nurturing the garden and naming the animals. It was God that saw through the fact that he was relating with creations that were not his kind. His focus drew in the woman only after he was woken from unconsciousness. His relationship with her at that point was God-ordered which led him to affirm that this is a creation that was drawn from him. Eve may have experienced loneliness despite entering into marriage, this avoidance behaviour, occurs from misbelief. It is the same kind that leads us to believe that it is socially unacceptable at a certain age to be single or without a mate, yet many enter into marriage and continue to experience loneliness.

But instead of recruiting the woman as an ally in his calling, he let her stray into loneliness which led her to seek a relationship that created the window through which their relationship became twisted by the misbelief that God who put the tree in their care and full glare did not want them to be wise and the unbelief that God did not want them to experience the full import of their freedom of choice as humans.

Mrs. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's words for the healing of others.

A Walk Away From Loneliness

What is loneliness?

It is not merely being alone? It is ignoring people. Nobody in their lives understands them. Day after day they exist with no opportunity to share their secret feeling with any human being. They belong to no group of friends and feel a part of no human enterprise. Lonely people think often about their losses: friends now gone who cannot be replaced; the emptiness of their hearts, their yearning for intimacy. When lonely people are married, closeness is lacking. They may suffer from acute loneliness. Most of us would not want the meager, unsatisfying, distant relationships lonely people have. Anxieties control interpersonal behaviour of the lonely to the point where he/she refuses to form friendships. The chronically lonely individual has little else but twisted relationships with everyone, including himself or herself.

Having previously suffered rejection in a primary relationship, the lonely bury the painful memories and act on a radical misbelief that rejection is intolerable. They are so afraid and play it safe to the extent that they avoid trying to have significant connections with others? Unfortunately this means they never get to experience real connection or acceptance and end up never knowing what they fear – rejection. Loneliness is usually the result of what psychologist call avoidance behaviour. Lonely people avoid initiating friendships. By avoidance they are protecting themselves from an experience they believe, falsely, they could not stand. They avoid reaching out to others so they can never feel the warmth of acceptance. They never combat or have their childish misbeliefs corrected by later experience and more valid adult interpretations.

The truth about rejection, which most people acquire from experience, is this: Rejection is not pleasant, but it is not terrible either and it can’t kill me. Rejection is not a rare experience. Most people experience it in one form or another. They handle it, they survive-and so can you. As lonely people work on developing social skills and quit avoiding anxiety, they can replace radical misbeliefs by telling themselves over and over the truths that rejection can be tolerated.

Rejection does not mean you have undesirable quality or you are ugly or too serious or fat or too this and that… The truth lies in a totally different interpretation of those experiences you have been taking as rejection. You don’t have to enjoy rejection; nobody does. But you must get your notions about rejection into proportion. With your now grown up (or growing up) mind, permeated with the spirit of truth, you can look at rejection in a brand-new and freeing light. Friend-making involves overriding your long habit of staying in a corner to honour and caress your anxiety, telling yourself the truth and taking action designed to change the quality and number of your relationships.

Which of the following would you answer yes to?

•       I'm lonely much of the time.

•       I don’t have enough friends.

•       I’d like to call someone, but I don’t know anybody to call.

•       I have friends, but no one who is really close.

•       No one seems to care what happens to me.

•       There are times when I wish I had more friends

Loneliness could be your word for describing any of the situations on the list. Let’s say that your loneliness results from having very few friends with whom you hardly ever get together. In such a predicament, you make a big, easy, vulnerable target as the enemy can prey on your faulty belief. Nobody pursues me, so I know nobody wants me. I must be dull, unattractive, boring and ugly. Something must be terribly wrong with me, so there’s no point in trying to win friends.

Think back to when you formed your current erroneous beliefs about rejection and your own social stimulus values. You were working within the severe limitations of your little child’s mind. 

You fabricated some of your theories to explain pain generated in certain primary relationships. Replace that self-talk with the fact that the love of God, from which true worth must be derived, assigns you infinite value, eternal significance, and deep interest. Not only in yourself but in the beauty of creation especially other humans. Reverse not only what goes on in your mind but what you do as well. Rather than assuming that people will reach out to you if you are only interesting enough, you will need to initiate and reach out to others.

Be clear about what rejection means. It doesn’t mean you’re worthless, only that you and this one person appears to be incompatible at the moment; only that today, that other person believes he or she doesn’t need you. Don’t have a hang over on that information; move on! The past and present misbelief keeping you lonely must be challenged with the truth, especially the truth of God’s Word, if you are going to change your social behaviour.

Mrs. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's words for the healing of others.