Salvation and Singleness by Dr. Omolola Omoteso
I assume you know what each means but how do they interact or intersect?
This is one of the deep things we teach during Divine Connection Biblical Counselling Sessions. If you have NOT signed up, do so soon.
Delaying to marry does NOT affect salvation.
Salvation is not by marriage. It is not by being a husband or wife or by being settled or single. It is by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone.
Ephesians 2:8-9 KJV records, "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast."
You do not get saved by marrying on time. You do not lose salvation by marrying late or by never marrying. Sqlvation is offered free but paid for my thr blood of Jesus Christ. Paul was single. He even called singleness a gift in 1 Corinthians 7:7 - I would that all men were even as I myself.
Salvation is being rescued by God. It is God saving you from sin, from separation from Him, and from eternal death, through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. When we receive Him, we are forgiven, made a child of God, and given new life. It is not only about going to heaven one day but being made whole, starting when you said YES LORD.
Sanctification is the process of being made holy. Salvation. Sanctification is God separating you from sin, and shaping you to look more like Jesus Christ in our thoughts, desires, character, your choices. It is beyond forgiveness; it is to be transformed.
So where does the connection come in?
1. Marriage is about sanctification, not salvation.
Salvation is what God does for me and you; debt free. Sanctification is what God does in us over a lifetime.
Delay, loneliness, sexual temptation, pressure from family, fear of commitment, financial struggle, past wounds — those do not unsave us. They reveal where we still need to grow, heal, and be disciplined.
2. The danger is not being single. The danger is what singleness exposes. For many bachelors, the real issues are not the wedding date or dance. They are:
- Lust managed in secret instead of confessed
- Comfort becoming idolatry; "I will serve God fully when I marry"
- Fear disguised as "waiting on God"
- Using "God has not provided" to avoid taking responsibility
- Loneliness turning into bitterness, isolation or reason to court pornography
Those things doesn't mean you are not saved. They mean you are not yet surrendered in that area. And unrepentant sin left alone will choke your walk, your joy, and your witness, even if it does not cancel The Cross.
3. God uses singleness to show you what you worship.
If you believe "I will be whole when I marry," then marriage has become your saviour. That is the issue. When we thibj this way, marriage may never come.
My husband's slogan was, I can't marry without a job so whenever he found a good woman he would lose his job and when he has a good job, there would be no good woman ready to commit to marriage. He did that dance until he canceled our wedding date.
God led me to see the issue, I counseled him and we focused in the God who makes all things beautiful in His own time. We came to a point where we decided, with or without job, we will marry. We received the miracle of good jobs the same day because we turned our focus away from crisis to Christ. Our wedding and marriage was beautified by God.
A bachelor who is saved learns this:
Christ is enough to make me whole now and can meet all my needs. Marriage, if it comes, will not complete me. It will reveal me and stretch me.
That is why Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, the single man can care for the things of the Lord without distraction. Singleness is not a waiting room for real life. It is real life, with real purpose.
So to say it clearly:
Your salvation is settled by Christ.
Your singleness is shaping your character.
Your delay is not a disqualification.
If it is a curse, the Bible already said the causeless curse shall not come.
As the bird by wandering, as the swallow by flying, so the curse causeless shall not come." — Proverbs 26:2 KJV
That means a curse without a cause has no landing place. It cannot settle on you. If there is no door you opened, no covenant you entered, no sin you are holding on to, then that fear has no legal ground.
And even if there was a legal ground or cause, Christ became a curse for us, that the blessing of Abraham might come upon us.
Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us. — Galatians 3:13 KJV
So you do not fight delay by fearing a curse. You fight it by standing in the finished work of Jesus Christ.
No causeless curse can hold a son or daughter of God who is already blessed and highly favoured.
Don't ask, "Am I still saved because I am still single?" Ask, "Am I using this season to become the man God is calling me to be — purposeful, disciplined, pure, steady, and content in Christ — whether marriage comes now, later, or never?"
How then do we relate the SWOT analysis to delay to marry and journey focused on marital breakthrough and marital bliss?
This is where it gets practical. Salvation is settled. Sanctification is the work. And SWOT shows you where the work is.
Delay is not just spiritual. It is also personal, emotional, financial, and relational. If you do not name it honestly, you will keep praying for breakthrough while protecting the very things blocking you from getting married.
Here is the SWOT for a bachelor on the journey to marital breakthrough and marital bliss:
1. STRENGTHS - What God has already given you.
These are internal. You already carry them.
Time and focus:
You can seek God, build, serve, travel and grow without divided attention. Paul calls this an advantage. 1 Corinthians 7:32
Knowledge:
Years of singleness have taught you what you want, what tickles or triggers you, what you will not tolerate again.
Independence:
You have learned to survive, provide, pray, play and stand alone. That is big.
Spiritual sensitivity:
Many delayed bachelors are more prayerful, more discerning, more serious about God than they were at 22, 32 or 42.
Here is a breakthrough question you need to ask?
Are you using your strengths to prepare, or just to endure? Strength unused becomes fear or frustration. Strength used translates to purpose or preparation.
2. WEAKNESSES - What is delaying you from inside
Yours may have spiritual dimension, it may include complexities, financial burden, work fatigue, apathy, psychological conditioning, also finding the right woman... You may have toiled all night like Peter or have anthropology of challenges like the man by the pool of Bethesda but all these issues are internal. Sadly, this is where most men lie to themselves.
Fear of commitment:
Not fear of marriage but fear of being exposed as poor or pained, fear of failing or losing freedom.
Unhealed wounds:
Past heartbreak, wounds from parents, siblings or friends, church hurt, rejection from those you may have reached out to for marriage or money.
Sexual compromise:
The Bible records that it is better to marry than to burn but when you choose to marry but there is no wife and you decide that burning publicly will bring shame you turn to masturbation, pornography, emotional affairs, "just talking" and gleaning warmth from women you have no intention of marrying. This kills confidence and clarity.
Financial indiscipline:
You can blame it on enemies of progress but no savings, no plan, no stability is on you and wanting a wife who has it all becomes a tool for manipulation which couod make an intending spouse wonder if you can be trusted with the future.
Perfectionism:
Waiting for the perfect woman, perfect job, perfect timing. Perfectionism is fear covered up either by agbada or suit.
Passivity:
You stay in the mantra, "God will bring her" forgetting God said "He who finds..." not he who accepts. That mantra keeps you warm while you court the pain and refiae to heal, build or position yourself.
- Ego and pride
Yes a man who is passive will soon reveal arrogance. When you confront his passivity, ego and pride show up to defend it.
Passivity says, "I will not move."
Ego says, "I don't need to move."
Pride says, "How dare you tell me to move."
That is why many men stay stuck. It is not that they don't know what to do. It is that pride will not let them admit they have not been doing it or lethargy has set in. After Passivity comes ego. Ego is passivity dressed up as strength.
I will say more on ego and pride in my next message or post.
3. OPPORTUNITIES - What God has placed around you
These are external. Outside you, but available to you.
Godly community:
A church, men's group, mentors, older married couples who can speak truth and model bliss, not just wedding photos.
Growth resources:
Counselling, deliverance, financial coaching, books, conferences. Help is not a sign of weakness.
Healthy exposure:
Meeting women in purposeful environments, not just DMs and chance encounters.
Purpose before partner:
Building a vision, a business, a ministry, a stable life. A woman is drawn to direction, not desperation. Now that you have a woman
Healing season:
This delay can be your preparation room, not your punishment room.
Divine Connection:
Being introduce to a woman you may never have met because someone mentioned your name in Europe!
Breakthrough question:
Are you positioned to translate friendship or relationship to courtship or marriage? Or are you hidden, isolated, and hoping?
Ruth did not stay in Moab waiting. She positioned herself in Bethlehem, in the field, working. She elected NOT to serve a rich fool but positioned herself with a thriving kinsman as led by her mother in law turned mentor and midwife
4. THREATS - What can destroy the journey, if you ignore it
These are also external, but they attack from inside when you let them.
Comparison:
Watching friends, siblings or even children you raised marry, have children, post bliss, while you feel behind. Comparison turns delay into shame. Interestingly no one compares himself to dead colleagues or struggling peers. If we do, we would turn comparison to songs of praise a la mo dupe temi! 😆
Family pressure:
"When will you marry?" "Are you the problem?" Within one week of my husband dying one or two were already saying to me, you will marry again o! You are so young. You pressured me into this one that just ended; when will you play pause! Pressure can push you to marry the wrong person fast.
Cultural lies:
"If you marry late, you have failed." "A real man marries by 30." "Enjoy your freedom now that you are single." All extremes are traps.
The enemy's accusations:
"God has forgotten you." "You are too broken." "You will die single." That is not conviction. That is condemnation. And thr Bible says, there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus!
Settling:
Marrying out of loneliness, age panic, or sexual pressure. Settling leads to a wedding without bliss and a marriage devoid of peace.
Bliss warning:
Breakthrough is not just getting married. Bliss is staying married in love, truth, and peace. If you marry to escape threats, you will carry the threats into the marriage and they will sink you if you escape being sued!
Enough said! Look out for my next messages:
Ego and Pride: Two Thieves on the Love Cross
Moving From SWOT To Breakthrough To Bliss
