Are you called to serve? Do you interact with others who have been so called? This is to those, especially mature singles, who have been called to serve in God's vineyard. I herein share my experience and concerns in the area of my personal life as a minister.
Most ministers in church (including resident
pastors) now combine work in the ministry with secular jobs. This has becoming
more and more challenging especially when ministers are expected to serve in
full capacity (attend all services, carry out delegated responsibilities, serve
members, attend church retreats and conferences and meet target in the area of
remittance to the headquarter church and church planting).
Since ministries are built on trust, which
are embedded in the ministers, who are called
to shepherd and educate congregants, four core qualities are
expected in all areas of a minister’s life – integrity, discipline,
selflessness and humility. I usually tell those I minister to that Christians
have one life, as opposed to a Church or Christian life and secular life; so
your lifestyle (in and out of church) should model Jesus Christ. To model Jesus
Christ while rendering service to the body of Christ, you must continue to seek
knowledge in your ministerial and professional engagement. This will position
you to guide the parishioners better.
One noticeable quality in those Jesus Christ
called to be his disciple is diligence, whether as lawyer, physician or
fisherman. While I was studying to obtain my master degrees, I rejected the
pull to start a parish of our assembly in my school community. Not only was
this pull not backed up by my spiritual conviction, I knew that studying at the
time would strengthen my call and would enable me reach out to others. I was
able to minister to young people and adults across the Athens-Ohio community
via outreach programmes and initiatives by other churches and Christian
organisations. I kept up with on-goings in my home church (RCCG Treasure Field Church) and returned to it
after my study abroad.
One challenge for me as a minister is the
need to differentiate between the church culture and pop culture. That the assembly
resurrected hymns as part of worship was something that made me very happy
especially at a time when the world was beginning to blur faith lines as hymns
gave way to loud “youthful” heavy metal music (I minister in a teen/youth
church).
The blurry borderline also affect dressing. While other ministers turn a blind eye to the dressing, especially of boarding
schools that made our church their home church, I made it my responsibility to
call individuals aside, commend something about them before going on to speak
about what is inappropriate as far as their dressing is concerned. I would
always add that Christians are expected to lead one life just so they do not
take it that whatever is not allowed in church is allowed outside the church.
I have continued to model Christ by being
timely, planning relevant programmes while maintaining the stipulated doctrine
of the church and relating to colleagues and parishioners respectfully.
With my personal funds, I tend to go by the
leading of the Spirit. I may be low on cash and sense that God is leading me to
bless a pastor with an offering; I go ahead and do it despite my need. But I
pull back from being involved with church income and expenditure. Though I am
the longest serving minister, I allow the pastor in charge to manage how money
is spent and on what. Though this may mean not holding the pastor accountable
but it has saved me a lot of stress, as I am able to concentrate on counselling
and follow-up, which is my assigned department.
I went the extra mile to formally train all
the young people who work with me in the department in the ethics and skill of
counselling and follow-up and the importance, skill and types of prayers. I
ensure I counsel no less than 5 young people each time I am in church and lead members
of my team to counsel as well. We meet regularly to pray, study the Bible,
refresh and eat together.
When we visit Church members, we plan ahead
to spend a limited time, we accept only water or soft drinks as hospitality
from them to avoid spending too much time or rejecting a meal based on its
presentation, we share briefly and pray.
The Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30)
is a pointer to the fact that my calling is to serve God and others, be a good
steward of His gifts and talents and be profitable to Jesus. John 15 has become
my companion as I look up to the True Vine and maintain my relationship to
ensure that I am fruitful and appreciated on the day of reckoning
(judgement).
At work and in social circles, I do not have
a challenge in the area of maintaining my lifestyle as a Christian since the
fact that I am a minister is not hidden from most. While some minister cut off
totally from unbelieving friends, I relate with them in social (alumni groups,
para-military society etc.) and professional circles (charity organisation,
media and public relation groups) and model my conversations, dressing etc. as
a living Bible they can read.
It is sad to read that among all born again
Christians, the divorce figure is 32%, which is statistically identical to the
33% among non-born again adults, as noted by the Barna Group’s study. This is
largely due to the fact that most Christians leave the issue of marriage only
to the will of God and compatibility without preparing adequately for the
challenges that may be inherent in God’s will. Before facing the cross, Jesus
knowing what was to befall him, with his trusted aides, to pray.
Until recently, I have carried out my role
as a minister as an unmarried person; I was shocked by the level of
discrimination single ministers face even within the Church. While I counselled
at length about the need for singles to focus on their purpose in life, the will of God and prepare
for their role in marriage, now that I am married, I realise that the
preparation and required skill need to be directed by God. For example, the
need for communication with my spouse went beyond what I envisaged while we
were courting especially with my husband being a quiet person who is much
older. Only in marriage did I start to truly learn what it means to communicate
in love. Though I introduced praying together on the telephone, as part of
preparation for the wedding, praying together as a couple did not come easy.
After we started praying together, I realised things that I would never have
thought would be issues; my style, duration, order of worship and prayer was
totally different! I usually got out of bed, sang praises, worship in my native
language, read the devotional and Bible and pray on prayer points. My husband’s
style was just to read the devotional while sitting on the bed (which means his
back was turned to me whether I am in or out of bed) and pray a very short
prayer. He later explained that his drive time to work (45 minutes or more) was
spent praying and part of his lunch break was spent on reading the e-Bible.
Having lived in the USA for over 20 years, he would neither pray in the native
language nor respond properly when I do.
Due to his health and nature of his
job, all he wanted to do in the morning was rush off to work and at night rush
in to bed to catch a much needed rest! So there was minimal or zero
communication on most days. With communication being a challenge and quiet time
not fulfilling my need for fellowship and not having a car to enable me join
the local assembly regularly, I got to the very brink of despair.
Here was I, a
relationship coach and counsellor, with all the skills I have and have blessed
others with; in a challenging meltdown which became more than I could bear
until I decided to adopt contentment (which the Bible called great gain) and
total dependence on God. I would usually say, if God led me to this, He will
walk me through it all. With prayers, I was gradually able to introduce
praises, reading of the Bible and devotional and praying daily. I have also
succeeded in including Bible reading from my native language Bible on
Saturdays. I intend to move two of the dining chairs to the bedroom with a
small table to ensure we can sit and look into each other’s eyes while having
our quiet time.
I prayerfully located a local church; though it is not my
original denomination, the Word of God is being shared and my need for
fellowship is adequately fulfilled. I have identified areas I need to work on
so that I can fulfill my calling as a wife. I have continued to look out for retreat
opportunities to help bridge the age gap and counselling gap which was created
because we were in a long distance relationship and my husband could not attend
counselling with me.
Now I have recognised firsthand some of the reasons behind
the growing percentage of divorce and I can truly say that the need to
strengthen the marriage of the minister cannot be over emphasised. It is indeed
for a reason that God instructed us to, "Let nothing be done through
selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others
better than himself" (Philippians 2:3).
I recently was able to counsel a
friend to look less at the minuses in her fiancé and look more for and appreciate
positive values in him. Within a short space of time after I counselled her and
she began to appreciate him, the journey to the altar has become closer than
she imagined. At times the positive values are taken for granted in Christian
relationships and marriages because we expect our partner/spouse to be nothing
but Christians forgetting that men and women are humans conceived in sin.
While my health is less of a challenge, my
husband’s health has become a huge challenge which has coloured everything from
communication, to sexual interaction, to finance etc. But with God, things have
become more manageable and we are both leading healthier lives. I try to eat
well, drink water adequately, watch my weight by watching my diet and do
bi-annual dental check-ups. Exercising has been a challenge since I work from home but I have added it to my routine. I am also yet to sign up for health
insurance but I have taken all immunizations up to date and I ensure I fast
regularly as a form of spiritual rebirth and to help my organs rest. Vacation or what I call a time
of withdrawal (as laid down by Jesus) has been a part of my life even as a
single minister; it is always refreshing to withdraw to the mountain to pray or
visit tourist places or go on vacation abroad. The challenge however is in
planning this regularly with my spouse. But plugging a vacation into our wedding anniversary has worked well and become a tradition.
My personal life has continued to glorify
God as I am guided by his knowledge and grace.
Mrs. Omolola Omoteso-Famuyiwa is a minister who is passionate about sharing God's words for the healing of others. Called to serve? dated 06.18.12 was written as a term paper for Omolola's doctoral degree.
